Home | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

January 12, 2007 - January 18, 2007 | Issue 43•02

Area Man's Quirky Hobby Kills 27

NIPPERSINK, MI—In the '80s, this little town made its name in the news with a local eccentric old coot decked out from head to toe in thousands of buttons. In the '90s, it was the goofy car nut who converted his Chevrolet to look like the Statue...

Scientists Create World's Largest Novelty Atom

issue 4302 | 01.12.07 | News

CHICAGO—"Man, no way we're getting any more work done this year," said atomic physicist Dr. Thom Frederiksen after viewing the ridiculously... more»
800,000 Privileged Youths Enlist To Fight In Iraq

issue 4302 | 01.10.07 | News

WASHINGTON—"I didn't realize you could just sign up," said 26-year-old Brookline, MA resident and law-school grad Daniel Feldman. more»
Amazon.com Recommendations Understand Area Woman Better Than Husband

issue 4302 | 01.09.07 | News

SANDUSKY, OH—The 36-year-old Meyers said she appreciates how the online retailer sometimes sends her e-mails "out of the blue." more»
Staff Members Under New Defense Secretary Wondering If They Still Get Summers Off

issue 4302 | 01.12.07 | News In Brief

WASHINGTON, DC—The recent departure of Donald Rumsfeld as Secretary Of Defense has reportedly left his former staff noticeably tense... more»
Teen Accurately Describes Robert Mapplethorpe Exhibit As 'Gay'

issue 4302 | 01.11.07 | News In Brief

DETROIT—Despite having viewed only a single Robert Mapplethorpe photograph of a pink orchid during a class trip to the Detroit Institute of... more»
Robbie Knievel Jumps Entire Generation's Awareness

issue 4302 | 01.10.07 | News In Brief

BUTTE, MT—In his most dangerous and ambitious feat to date, motorcycle stuntman Robbie Knievel, the 44-year-old son of 1970s daredevil... more»
Letter Of Recommendation Clearly Written Under Duress

issue 4302 | 01.09.07 | News In Brief

ST. PAUL, MN—Prospective employers of regional sales coordinator candidate Karyn Randall have noted that a glowing, if somewhat... more»
Jay Leno Reconsiders Retirement After Georgia Woman Sets Boyfriend's Crotch On Fire

issue 4302 | 01.08.07 | News In Brief

BURBANK, CA—Despite having announced plans to retire as host of The Tonight Show in 2008, Jay Leno admitted yesterday that he was... more»
Bill Parcells: 'I've Always Hated Football'

issue 4302 | 01.11.07 | Sports News

DALLAS—In the last press conference Bill Parcells would give this year after leading the Cowboys through a frustrating 9-7 season and an... more»
Cell-Phone TV?

issue 4302 | 01.12.07 | American Voices

Verizon Wireless announced that it will soon offer TV service over its cell-phone network. What do you think? more»
U.S. Bombs Somalia

issue 4302 | 01.11.07 | American Voices

The U.S. has initiated a series of attacks in southern Somalia aimed at suspected members of al Qaeda. What do you think? more»
Manson, Von Teese Split

issue 4302 | 01.10.07 | American Voices

Burlesque performer Dita Von Teese has reportedly filed for divorce from shock-rocker Marilyn Manson. What do you think more»
Pelosi Vows Iraq Scrutiny

issue 4302 | 01.09.07 | American Voices

New House Speaker Nancy Pelosi has vowed "the harshest scrutiny" to any requests for money or troops from the president. What do you think? more»
Former Couple To Remain Friends Until One Finds New Sex Partner

issue 4302 | 01.14.07 | Radio
Apartment Creates Illusion Of Well-Rounded Life

issue 4302 | 01.13.07 | Radio
Child Makes Lovely Conversation Piece

issue 4302 | 01.12.07 | Radio
Elk Majestically Tramples Three

issue 4302 | 01.11.07 | Radio
Chinese Stuff Live Panda Into Time Capsule

issue 4302 | 01.10.07 | Radio
Relapsed Alcoholic Takes Back All His Apologies

issue 4302 | 01.09.07 | Radio
Editorial Cartoon - January 10, 2007

issue 4302 | 01.10.07 | Editorial Cartoon
Breakup Letter Taped To Baby

issue 4302 | 01.10.07 | News In Photos
Area Man Takes Metallica Audio Tour Of Art Museum

issue 4302 | 01.10.07 | News In Photos
I'm Prepared To Do Anything To Get That Cupcake

issue 4302 | 01.10.07 | Commentary

There is something quite pressing that I must make clear immediately. I am afraid I am going to have to take that cupcake. That... more»
The College I Attend Has Just The Right Number Of Indian Dance Groups

issue 4302 | 01.10.07 | Commentary

I'm really glad I decided to go to my current school. I can't think of an American college with such balanced and complementary diversity.... more»
Your Horoscope

issue 4302 | 01.10.07 | Horoscopes
People Living On The Moon

issue 4302 | 01.10.07 | Infographic

NASA recently announced plans to construct a base on the moon's south pole that will be completed by 2024. Here are some of the features its... more»
New Additions To Army Rations

issue 4302 | 01.10.07 | Statshot
Scientific Advancements

issue 4302 | 01.09.07 | Slideshow
Are America's Fairgrounds Alarmingly Underused?

issue 4302 | 01.12.07 | Sunday Magazine
Curtis Martin Physically Unable To Clean Out Locker

issue 4302 | 01.11.07 | Photo Finish
Jan. 4, 1959

issue 4302 | 01.10.07 | Onion In History

Alaska, Hawaii, Guam, Bora Bora, Samoa, Philippines, Japan Granted U.S. Statehood more»

At the AV Club: AVQ&A GA_googleFillSlot("100x12_avfocus");

From Our News Partners

The OnionConnect

Site Links

Email Dispatch

At the AV Club: AVQ&A