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January 17, 2007 - January 23, 2007 | Issue 43•03

Nation's Gays Demand Right To Library Cards

WASHINGTON, DC—In another salvo in the ongoing civil-rights battle, the Gay And Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation announced the formation of a broad new campaign supporting full library-card privileges for homosexuals....

Area Family's Trip To New Hampshire Sparks Rumors Of Presidential Bid

issue 4303 | 01.17.07 | News

MANCHESTER, NH—Pundits said the family's slow drive through Bear Brook State Park signaled a deep concern for environmental issues. more»
Vigilante Cop Acts As Judge, Jury, Prosecuting Attorney, Bailiff, Stenographer, Executioner

issue 4303 | 01.19.07 | News

OAKLAND, CA—"You can't trust just anyone to arrest, fingerprint, interrogate, arraign, hear testimony from, and set bail for the low-lifes I... more»
Rumsfeld Leaves Most Recent Job Off Resumé

issue 4303 | 01.16.07 | News

ST. MICHAELS, MD—After including his four terms in Congress, a two-year stint in banking, and volunteer work, Rumsfeld said he "ran out of... more»
New Archie Graphic Novel Explores Rich Inner Life Of Jughead

issue 4303 | 01.19.07 | News In Brief

NEW YORK—Publisher Alfred A. Knopf, Inc. released a new Archie Comics graphic novel Tuesday, Heavy Is The Head That Wears The... more»
Friends Can't Stand Couple's Public Displays Of Hostility

issue 4303 | 01.17.07 | News In Brief

TORONTO—Sources close to local couple Jeremy and Eliza Conyers said that their persistent, blatantly physical, and extremely public... more»
Dairy Company Introduces Lots-Of-Pulp Milk

issue 4303 | 01.17.07 | News In Brief

MADISON, WI—In an attempt to boost lackluster sales, Cream-O-Land Dairy introduced their new Morning Clots line of pulp-heavy milk in... more»
Area Man Guesses He'll Learn The Difference Between Shiites And Sunnis

issue 4303 | 01.16.07 | News In Brief

PORTLAND, OR—Nearly four years into the war in Iraq, local sales representative Howard Morrison finally conceded that it was probably... more»
Garage Orchestra Hands Out Demo At Boston Philharmonic Show

issue 4303 | 01.15.07 | News In Brief

BOSTON, MA—The 104 members of the upstart Melrose Philharmonic Orchestra of Melrose, MA stood outside Jordan Hall Sunday and passed out... more»
Recently Divorced Michael Jordan Announces Plans To Return To Marriage

issue 4303 | 01.18.07 | Sports News

HIGHLAND PARK, IL—After a one-month stint as a bachelor—a move that many say made the once great husband and father look "silly,"... more»
Wii, Water, Death

issue 4303 | 01.19.07 | American Voices

A California woman died of water intoxication while trying to win a Nintendo Wii duting a radio station's water-drinking contest. What do... more»
Cisco Sues Over iPhone

issue 4303 | 01.18.07 | American Voices

Cisco Systems is suing Apple over the name "iPhone," claiming they own rights to it. What do you think? more»
Botched Hussein-Brother Hanging

issue 4303 | 01.17.07 | American Voices

The botched hanging of Saddam Hussein's half brother, which resulted in his beheading, has aroused suspicions and inflamed tensions in the Arab... more»
California Citrus In Danger

issue 4303 | 01.16.07 | American Voices

The recent west-coast cold snap is jeopardizing the California citrus industry. What do you think? more»
Stooges Snubbed Again

issue 4303 | 01.15.07 | American Voices

For the 6th time, punk legends The Stooges have been rejected for induction to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. What do you think? more»
Kentucky Senior Finds Human Thong In Driveway

issue 4303 | 01.21.07 | Radio
Motivational Tape Gets Man Excited For 20 Minutes

issue 4303 | 01.20.07 | Radio
White House Hints At Surprise Twist Ending To Bush Presidency

issue 4303 | 01.19.07 | Radio
Maverick Tugboat Captain Doesn't Give Damn What Tugboat Manual Says

issue 4303 | 01.18.07 | Radio
Small-Town Man Dazzled By Big-City Cocks

issue 4303 | 01.17.07 | Radio
General Electric Wins Bid To Illuminate Path To Enlightenment

issue 4303 | 01.16.07 | Radio
Popular Science Names Polonium 'Periodic-Table Element Of The Year'

issue 4303 | 01.15.07 | Radio
Editorial Cartoon - January 17, 2007

issue 4303 | 01.17.07 | Editorial Cartoon
Area Man Does Most Of His Traveling By Gurney

issue 4303 | 01.17.07 | News In Photos
Yorkshire Terrier Monogrammed

issue 4303 | 01.17.07 | News In Photos
Somebody Should Make A Movie About My Life

issue 4303 | 01.17.07 | Commentary

I was thinking the other day, and I know it probably sounds, you know, just crazy, but I thought, you know, as irrational and dysfunctional... more»
There's More To Appleton Than Our Acclaimed Escorts

issue 4303 | 01.17.07 | Commentary

Have you thought about making Appleton, WI the destination for your next vacation, business meeting, or even place to live? It may not spring... more»
Your Horoscope

issue 4303 | 01.17.07 | Horoscopes
New Congressional Policies

issue 4303 | 01.17.07 | Infographic

Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi has eliminated smoking in the Capitol Building. Here are some other changes the Democrats have enacted on... more»
America's Most Popular Charts

issue 4303 | 01.17.07 | Statshot
Celebrating Diversity

issue 4303 | 01.15.07 | Slideshow
Why It's Cool To Suck At Math

issue 4303 | 01.19.07 | Sunday Magazine
Barbaro Euthanizes Self

issue 4303 | 01.18.07 | Photo Finish
Jan. 18, 1991

issue 4303 | 01.15.07 | Onion In History

CNN Deploys Troops To Iraq more»

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