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January 30, 2007 - February 5, 2007 | Issue 43•05

Bush Commits One Additional Troop To Afghanistan

WASHINGTON, DC—In an effort to display his administration's willingness to fight on all fronts in the War on Terror, President Bush said at a press conference Monday that American ground forces in Afghanistan will be aided by the immediate...

Meth Addicts Demand Government Address Nation's Growing Spider Menace

issue 4305 | 01.30.07 | News

WASHINGTON, DC—Activists called for federal assistance as a last resort after trying to contain the problem with diplomacy, cathode rays, and... more»
FEMA Calls Rebuilding Complete As New Orleans Restored To Former Squalor

issue 4305 | 01.30.07 | News

NEW ORLEANS, LA—"Our job here is done," said FEMA Undersecretary R. David Paulison, cutting the ribbon on a newly restored pile of garbage. more»
Potato-Chip Connoisseur Detects Notes Of Sour Cream, Onion

issue 4305 | 02.02.07 | News

ST. CHARLES, MO—"A fine chip can be worth years of waiting," said Nathan Sterken, whose refined palate allows him to appreciate flavors like... more»
Ryan Seacrest Nervous About How Audiences Will Respond To Slightly Shorter Haircut

issue 4305 | 02.02.07 | News In Brief

BURBANK, CA—American Idol host Ryan Seacrest announced on his syndicated radio show Monday that he will unveil a slightly... more»
White House Quietly Retracts Entire State Of The Union Address

issue 4305 | 01.31.07 | News In Brief

WASHINGTON, DC—In a brief statement faxed to major media outlets at approximately 11:50 p.m. Friday, the White House retracted the... more»
Ailing Castro Begins 750,000 Last Words

issue 4305 | 01.30.07 | News In Brief

HAVANA—With his condition reportedly deteriorating, Cuban President Fidel Castro called top members of Cuba's National Assembly to his... more»
Americans Demand Military Response After Chinese Shoot Down DirecTV Satellite

issue 4305 | 01.29.07 | News In Brief

WASHINGTON, DC—A citizens' group presented a petition signed by nearly 75 million Americans to key members of Congress Monday, demanding... more»
Millions Of Americans Travel To Kentucky To Attend Barbaro's Funeral

issue 4305 | 02.01.07 | Sports News

LOUISVILLE, KY—In a stirring show of love and respect, millions of people—including Barbaro's owners, breeders, associates, foreign... more»
KFC Purges Trans Fats

issue 4305 | 02.02.07 | American Voices

Fried-chicken chain KFC announced that they would change their cooking process to reduce trans-fats. What do you think? more»
Nuclear Plants Left Vulnerable

issue 4305 | 02.01.07 | American Voices

Federal regulators rejected nuclear policy group requests to increase security at California nuclear power plants, protecting them from aerial... more»
Student-Loan Interest Cut

issue 4305 | 01.31.07 | American Voices

The House of Representatives voted to cut interest rates on certain student loans last week. What do you think? more»
Tobacco-Addiction Center Found

issue 4305 | 01.30.07 | American Voices

Scientists have located the part of the brain linked to cigarette addiction. What do you think? more»
Noriega Faces Murder Charges

issue 4305 | 01.29.07 | American Voices

Former Panamanian strongman Manuel Noriega is to be returned to Panama to face murder charges when he is released from a U.S. prison in September.... more»
New Bono-Rail To Transport U2 At The Speed Of Rock

issue 4305 | 02.05.07 | Radio
Great-Grandmother Isn't Actually That Great

issue 4305 | 02.04.07 | Radio
U.S. Gives Up Trying To Impress England

issue 4305 | 02.03.07 | Radio
Bush Deploys 20,000 Wishful Thoughts To Iraq

issue 4305 | 02.02.07 | Radio
Astronaut Returns From Space Walk Reeking Of Booze

issue 4305 | 02.01.07 | Radio
Haitian Parents Couldn't Be Prouder Of Witch-Doctor Son

issue 4305 | 01.31.07 | Radio
Scientists Create First Test-Tube Sandwich

issue 4305 | 01.30.07 | Radio
Editorial Cartoon - January 31, 2007

issue 4305 | 01.31.07 | Editorial Cartoon
McDonald's Birthday Party To Be Happiest Time In Child's Life

issue 4305 | 01.31.07 | News In Photos
WebMD Doesn't Know How To Tell You This

issue 4305 | 01.31.07 | News In Photos
L.A. Grants Clippers $12 For New Nets

issue 4305 | 01.31.07 | News In Photos
In Order To Save The Whales, We Must Breed With Them

issue 4305 | 01.31.07 | Commentary

What is happening to the earth's whales? The humpback, once more than 1.5 million strong, now numbers fewer than 20,000. The minke whale,... more»
Wah, Wah, I Have Seasonal Affective Disorder

issue 4305 | 01.31.07 | Commentary

Hey, everybody, look at me, I'm a tiny little baby who lets winter cold and an hour or two of extra darkness keep me from functioning.... more»
Your Horoscope

issue 4305 | 01.31.07 | Horoscopes
Sundance Film Festival

issue 4305 | 01.31.07 | Infographic

The 2007 Sundance Film Festival took place from Jan. 18–28 in Park City, UT. Here were some of the highlights: more»
Why Will It Be Different This Time?

issue 4305 | 01.31.07 | Statshot
War On Drugs

issue 4305 | 01.30.07 | Slideshow
Some Cinematographer Talks About Love, Life & The Movies

issue 4305 | 02.02.07 | Sunday Magazine
NBA Rookie Still Struggling To Grasp Concept Of 'Out Of Bounds'

issue 4305 | 02.01.07 | Photo Finish
Jan. 27, 1986

issue 4305 | 01.29.07 | Onion In History

Schoolteacher, Kitten, Three Dozen Orphans to Fly on Challenger Tomorrow more»
Pet Peeve Parlayed Into Local Ordinance

issue 4305 | 01.31.07 |
Hockey Jersey Tucked In For Date

issue 4305 | 01.31.07 |