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February 7, 2007 - February 13, 2007 | Issue 43•06

Nation To Celebrate First-Ever Black History Month History Week

WASHINGTON, DC—Saying the time had come for America to recognize "some of its most unsung heroes," President Bush issued a statement Tuesday announcing the creation of Black History Month History Week, which is to be held in the last seven days...

Thousands Lose Jobs As Michigan Unemployment Offices Close

issue 4306 | 02.07.07 | News

LANSING, MI—Michigan's unemployment system had outlasted the state's automotive and industrial sectors as the most enduring job provider. more»
Teacher's Leave Of Absence Shrouded In Legend

issue 4306 | 02.09.07 | News

MOBILE, AL—"He was a pot addict, and he went mental, and they took him away to a mental institution," concluded Gregory Oswald, 13, though... more»
Mysterious Congressman Announces Dark Horse Candidacy

issue 4306 | 02.06.07 | News

WASHINGTON, DC— Earning a distinctive reputation for promoting fiscal responsibility and civil rights, he is currently the only senator who... more»
Holocaust Historian Can't Help Imagining What Random People Would Look Like Behind Barbed-Wire Fence

issue 4306 | 02.09.07 | News In Brief

EVANSTON, IL—Northwestern University history professor Robert Grange admitted Monday that, because of his intense submersion in his... more»
Troop Gradually Withdraws

issue 4306 | 02.07.07 | News In Brief

BAGHDAD—According to members of his squad, 22-year-old Army Pfc. Casey Schreiner, who has been stationed in Iraq's Sunni Triangle for... more»
Touring Raffi Refuses To Play 'Shake My Sillies Out'

issue 4306 | 02.06.07 | News In Brief

FORT WAYNE, IN—Raffi, the veteran Canadian children's entertainer, told an audience of 4-year-olds at the Shrine Auditorium last Friday... more»
Area Man Needs Two More Trips To Best Buy To Beat Xbox 360 Game

issue 4306 | 02.05.07 | News In Brief

MONROEVILLE, PA—Local resident Ronald Franks could be as little as two Best Buy visits away from completing the Xbox 360 video game... more»
Lovie Smith Becomes First African-American Coach To Lose Super Bowl

issue 4306 | 02.08.07 | Sports News

MIAMI—As devastating as their 29-17 Super Bowl XLI loss to the Colts was for the proud Chicago Bears, it was worse for their coach: Lovie... more»
Anna Nicole Dead

issue 4306 | 02.09.07 | American Voices

Anna Nicole Smith died in Miami on Thursday at the age of 39. What do you think? more»
Haggard Scared Straight

issue 4306 | 02.08.07 | American Voices

The Reverend Ted Haggard, who left his ministry amidst allegations of drug use and hiring male prostitutes is now reportedly "completely straight"... more»
Aqua Teen Payout Force

issue 4306 | 02.07.07 | American Voices

Turner Broadcasting has promised to pay the City of Boston $2 million to compensate for the cost of removing illegally placed promotional signs... more»
Florida Voting Machine Replacement

issue 4306 | 02.06.07 | American Voices

Florida Governor Charlie Crist recently requested $32 million to replace touch-screen voting booths adopted after the 2000 elections with a system... more»
Savings Lowest Since The Depression

issue 4306 | 02.05.07 | American Voices

Personal savings in the United States is the lowest it's been since the Depression. What do you think? more»
Dad's Bedtime Stories Actually Recycled 90210 Plot Lines

issue 4306 | 02.12.07 | Radio
Alabama Environmentalists Lobbies For Solar-Powered Electric Chair

issue 4306 | 02.11.07 | Radio
Area Man Accidentally Signs Up to AOL Latino

issue 4306 | 02.10.07 | Radio
Wal-Mart To Employ 80,000 Iraq Veterans As Greeters

issue 4306 | 02.09.07 | Radio
Brilliant Scientist Trying To Get Word Out About Penis-Enlargement Breakthrough

issue 4306 | 02.08.07 | Radio
Moment Of Silence Interrupted By New Tragedy

issue 4306 | 02.07.07 | Radio
Fifteen-Year Reunion Of Former Soviet States Disappointing

issue 4306 | 02.06.07 | Radio
Editorial Cartoon - February 7, 2007

issue 4306 | 02.07.07 | Editorial Cartoon
Sniper Draws Moustache on Crosshairs

issue 4306 | 02.07.07 | News In Photos
Castro Leaves Hospital Two Years Younger, Four Inches Taller

issue 4306 | 02.07.07 | News In Photos
Eddie Murphy Fucks Self For $20 Million

issue 4306 | 02.07.07 | News In Photos
Stegosaurus Is My Second-Favorite Dinosaur

issue 4306 | 02.07.07 | Commentary

The bones in its face just make it look so cool. It's huge, its knees are awesome, and of course, it has tail spikes. I would be totally remiss... more»
Seriously, Ladies, There Have Been Noise Complaints

issue 4306 | 02.07.07 | Commentary

How are you this evening, ladies? My name's Officer Randy. I'm a hard-bodied beat cop and I'm looking for Elizabeth Bender, please. Ms. Bender?... more»
Your Horoscope

issue 4306 | 02.07.07 | Horoscopes
Microsoft Vista Released

issue 4306 | 02.07.07 | Infographic

Microsoft released its new operating system, Vista, on Jan. 30. Here are some of its features: more»
Favorite American Hobbies

issue 4306 | 02.07.07 | Statshot
The Workplace

issue 4306 | 06.22.09 | Slideshow
"I Paid $20 To Be On This Cover"

issue 4306 | 02.09.07 | Sunday Magazine
Peter Gammons Shamefully Admits He Watched Super Bowl

issue 4306 | 02.08.07 | Photo Finish
Feb. 4, 1932

issue 4306 | 02.05.07 | Onion In History

Hoover Hopes to Restore Faith in Nation's Banks with Free-Toaster Offer more»
Child Gains Upper Hand After Discovering Highlighted Parenting Guide

issue 4306 | 02.07.07 |
Jim Breuer Now Eating Garbage Offscreen

issue 4306 | 02.07.07 |