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June 2, 2007 - June 8, 2007 | Issue 43•22

Supreme Court Reaches Landmark 'It Depends' Ruling

WASHINGTON, DC—In a landmark 8-1 decision, an uncharacteristically subdued Supreme Court ruled "it depends" in the case of Panetti v. Quarterman, leaving the issue of executing the mentally ill completely open-ended...

Unconventional Director Sets Shakespeare Play In Time, Place Shakespeare Intended

issue 4322 | 06.02.07 | News

MORRISTOWN, NJ—"When most people hear The Merchant of Venice, they think 1960s Las Vegas, but it's time to shake things up,"... more»
Media Landscape Redefined By 24-Second News Cycle

issue 4322 | 06.01.07 | News

ATLANTA, GA—Media critics have argued that segments lasting less than four seconds are missing out on some of the nuance and context the old... more»
MySpace Outage Leaves Millions Friendless

issue 4322 | 05.30.07 | News

BEVERLY HILLS, CA—It is feared the sudden lack of online companionship could inflict long-term psychological damage among MySpace's 150 million... more»
Executive Fascinated By Electrician's Lunch

issue 4322 | 06.01.07 | News In Brief

NEW YORK—While waiting for an elevator en route to a lunch meeting at Central Park's Tavern on the Green restaurant Monday, Citibank... more»
Buttery Goodness Now America's Top Domestic Product

issue 4322 | 05.31.07 | News In Brief

WASHINGTON, DC—New data from the U.S. Commerce Department show that rich, buttery goodness beat out automobiles, timber, and... more»
High School Student Whines His Way To 4.0 GPA

issue 4322 | 05.30.07 | News In Brief

JAMESTOWN, VA—Jamestown High School senior and National Merit Scholar Jason Wagner successfully whined his way to a 4.0 GPA for the... more»
Kentucky DMV Introduces Game Of Chicken To Driver's Test

issue 4322 | 05.29.07 | News In Brief

LOUISVILLE, KY— The Kentucky Department of Motor Vehicles announced yesterday that the game of chicken will be added to the state's... more»
Wedding Videographer Clearly Shooting Side Project During Ceremony

issue 4322 | 05.28.07 | News In Brief

FENTON, IL—Guests attending the marriage of Frank Herman and Lauren Holland reported Saturday that videographer Jesse Laske, a... more»
Nation To Ken Griffey Jr.: 'We Wish It Were You Hitting 756 Home Runs'

issue 4322 | 05.31.07 | Sports News

CINCINNATI—Overcome with a mixture of distaste at the almost certain future and a wistful sense at the way things could and should have... more»
Sheehan Quits Peace Movement

issue 4322 | 06.01.07 | American Voices

Cindy Sheehan, who lost her son in Iraq, is leaving peace activism, citing disillusionment with the Democrats and an antiwar movement that "often... more»
Venezuelans Protest TV-Station Closure

issue 4322 | 05.31.07 | American Voices

Venezuelan protesters took to the streets of Caracas after the Chavez government closed the popular-but-Chavez-critical television station Radio... more»
Iran, U.S. Hold Bilateral Talks

issue 4322 | 05.30.07 | American Voices

The United States and Iran held their first formal talks in 27 years in order to discuss the security of Iraq. What do you think? more»
Shark Gives Virgin Birth

issue 4322 | 05.29.07 | American Voices

A captive hammerhead shark recently gave birth to a pup without the presence of a male. What do you think? more»
Memorial Day Celebrations

issue 4322 | 05.28.07 | American Voices

Today is Memorial Day. How will you be celebrating it? more»
Aging Man Softens Stance On Fat Chicks

issue 4322 | 06.04.07 | Radio
Ducks Only Interested In Area Man's Bread

issue 4322 | 06.03.07 | Radio
World's Scientists Admit They Just Don't Like Mice

issue 4322 | 06.02.07 | Radio
Springsteen To Honor Troops By Extending North American Tour

issue 4322 | 06.01.07 | Radio
Panic Attack Counted As Exercise

issue 4322 | 05.31.07 | Radio
Game Shows Now No. 1 Cause Of Death In Japan

issue 4322 | 05.30.07 | Radio
Texas Jury Awards Victims $9 Million In Barbecue

issue 4322 | 05.29.07 | Radio
Editorial Cartoon - June 1, 2007

issue 4322 | 06.01.07 | Editorial Cartoon
Henry Rollins Laboriously Explains Why Buying Organic Is Punk Rock

issue 4322 | 05.30.07 | News In Photos
Trail Of Lawn-Mower Assassin Still Fresh

issue 4322 | 05.29.07 | News In Photos
There's No More Reassuring Voice In Retirement Planning Than Dennis Hopper

issue 4322 | 05.30.07 | Commentary

There's no denying it anymore: I'm getting to that point in my life where I should start thinking seriously about my retirement. I'll be living... more»
I Believe In Evolution, Except For The Whole Triassic Period

issue 4322 | 05.30.07 | Commentary

I consider myself a rational person. When I have a question, I turn to science and logic to find the answer. Regarding the origins of life,... more»
Your Horoscope

issue 4322 | 05.30.07 | Horoscopes
Season Finale Wrap-Up

issue 4322 | 05.30.07 | Infographic

The 2006–2007 TV season is over. In the event you couldn't watch them, here are some highlights from the season finales of your... more»
What Are We Leaving Unattended?

issue 4322 | 05.30.07 | Statshot
Al Qaeda Also Fed Up With Ground Zero Construction Delays

issue 4322 | 05.28.07 | Video

With the reconstruction of Ground Zero finally underway, anchor Brandon Armstrong invites two guests to discuss the progress. more»
Why Should You Give All Of Your Money To Scientology

issue 4322 | 06.01.07 | Sunday Magazine
Bill Belichick Finding New And Interesting Ways To Cut Players

issue 4322 | 05.31.07 | Photo Finish
May 29, 1905

issue 4322 | 05.28.07 | Onion In History

The Machine: Will It Replace The China-Man? more»
Critics: Hot New Lebanese Rock Group Might Blow Up Any Minute

issue 4322 | 05.30.07 |
Editor Of Bartlett's Familiar Quotations Promises To Slip In Girlfriend's Quote

issue 4322 | 05.30.07 |
Decency Accidentally Bred Out Of Human Race

issue 4322 | 05.30.07 |