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November 10, 2007 - November 16, 2007 | Issue 43•45

Study Finds Working At Work Improves Productivity

WASHINGTON, DC—According to a groundbreaking new study by the Department of Labor, working—the physical act of engaging in a productive job-related activity—may greatly increase the amount of work accomplished during the workday, especially when compared with the...

Female Serial Killer Has To Work Twice As Hard To Achieve Notoriety

issue 4345 | 11.10.07 | News

OTSEGO, MI—Like many women who simply want the chance to kill as many victims as possible before being caught, Huxley has faced fierce... more»
Local Boy Trapped In Family

issue 4345 | 11.09.07 | News

HARRISONBURG, VA—"We're doing all we can," said Lt. Barnes, who coordinated efforts to replace the retarded hand-me-down parka that once... more»
Fall Canceled After 3 Billion Seasons

issue 4345 | 11.07.07 | News

WASHINGTON, DC—Autumn, which had been slotted between summer and winter, will be replaced by stifling humidity, constant sunshine, and little... more»
BBC Upgrades Flap To Row

issue 4345 | 11.09.07 | News In Brief

LONDON—The nightly Ten O'Clock News program on Great Britain's BBC One channel upgraded a minor flap in Parliament's House of Lords to... more»
R.L. Stine Reveals Slappy From Night Of The Living Dummy Was Gay

issue 4345 | 11.07.07 | News In Brief

NEW YORK—Children's author R.L. Stine broke his long-held media silence Monday to announce that Slappy, the evil ventriloquist's dummy... more»
Bush Proud U.S. Economic Woes Can Still Depress World Markets

issue 4345 | 11.06.07 | News In Brief

WASHINGTON, DC—While speaking to a group of White House reporters, President Bush fended off questions about the weak state of the... more»
Friend Of Friend Better Friend Than Friend

issue 4345 | 11.05.07 | News In Brief

JOHNSTOWN, PA—Though friend Chris Brey, 31, and friend-of-friend Bill Scafuri, 33, did not immediately form a close friendship... more»
Andy Reid On Family Problems: 'Red Right 32 Trap'

issue 4345 | 11.08.07 | Sports News

PHILADELPHIA—Eagles head coach Andy Reid addressed his recent family turmoil in a press conference today, responding to allegations that he... more»
Bush Gets First Veto Override

issue 4345 | 11.12.07 | American Voices

For the first time in Bush's seven-year presidency, the Senate overrode a veto, for a water resources bill that would preserve wetlands. What do... more»
Pat Robertson Endorses Giuliani

issue 4345 | 11.09.07 | American Voices

Televangelist Pat Robertson has endorsed former New York City mayor Rudy Giuliani as Republican presidential candidate despite Giuliani's... more»
Cheney Impeachment Resolution In Committee

issue 4345 | 11.08.07 | American Voices

A resolution to impeach Vice President Dick Cheney was sent to the House Judiciary Committee for review. What do you think? more»
New Trojan Horse Strikes Mac

issue 4345 | 11.07.07 | American Voices

A rare new Trojan horse that targets Mac users and takes over their computers has been found on pornographic websites. What do you think? more»
Aid Workers Stealing Children

issue 4345 | 11.06.07 | American Voices

Several French aid workers are charged with trying to smuggle 103 children they claimed were orphans from Darfur, but in reality were children with... more»
Atlanta Running Out Of Water

issue 4345 | 11.05.07 | American Voices

By Army Corps of Engineers estimates, the city of Atlanta could run out of water in about 100 days. What do you think? more»
Radically Less Cool Lifestyle Born To Area Couple

issue 4345 | 11.12.07 | Radio
Taco Bell Launches New 'Morning After' Burrito

issue 4345 | 11.11.07 | Radio
Blues Musician To U.N.: 'Yemen Done Me Wrong'

issue 4345 | 11.10.07 | Radio
New Silt Deposits A Hit With Local Oyster Community

issue 4345 | 11.09.07 | Radio
Apartment Built On Sacred Samoan Land Brings No Complaints From Residents

issue 4345 | 11.08.07 | Radio
Talks Between Movers, Shakers Break Down At 11th Hour

issue 4345 | 11.07.07 | Radio
Area Man Wants You To Smell His New Bag Of Weed

issue 4345 | 11.06.07 | Radio
Editorial Cartoon - November 5, 2007

issue 4345 | 11.05.07 | Editorial Cartoon
KFC Releases New Family-Size Nugget

issue 4345 | 11.06.07 | News In Photos
As An Upper-Class Gourmand, I Will Settle For Nothing Less Than The Luxury Of Ritz-Brand Snack Crackers

issue 4345 | 11.07.07 | Commentary

As a member of what might be called the "ultrarich," I have attended some of the finest soirees in the most elegant surroundings in the... more»
Cats Are Better Than Dogs

issue 4345 | 11.07.07 | Point-Counterpoint

I've always been a fan of felines. As far as pets go, you can't beat them! I have three myself, and I couldn't adore them more. I don't care... more»
Your Horoscope

issue 4345 | 11.06.07 | Horoscopes
Democratic Candidates Turn On Clinton

issue 4345 | 11.07.07 | Infographic

In the latest debate, Democratic presidential candidates singled out Hillary Clinton as a subject for criticism. Here are some of their... more»
Least Honored Treaties

issue 4345 | 11.07.07 | Statshot
Controversial Tell-All Book Reveals Wrestling Fans Are Fake

issue 4345 | 12.26.07 | Video

A professional wrestling "fan" has written a shocking new book that claims wrestling fans are actually paid actors. more»
Messages From Our Troops To The Families They Can Barely Remember

issue 4345 | 11.08.07 | Video

In this Onion News Network special feature, our soldiers stationed abroad remind us there's still a war going on. more»
Mean Automakers Dash Nation's Hope For Flying Cars

issue 4345 | 11.01.07 | Video

Onion News Network anchor Brandon Armstrong argues passionately for the existence of flying cars. more»
The Onion News Network's Morning Show: Today Now!

issue 4345 | 11.06.05 | Video

You'll think you're still dreaming. more»
Nov. 9, 1960

issue 4345 | 11.09.07 | Onion In History

John F. Kennedy's Dad Defeats Nixon more»
The Top 50 Tyler Perry Movies of 2007

issue 4345 | 11.09.07 | Sunday Magazine
Ed Hochuli First Down Signal Decapitates Player

issue 4345 | 11.08.07 | Photo Finish
Snapple Fact Cited In Thesis

issue 4345 | 11.06.07 |
Sprinting Jogger Figures He Might As Well Snatch Purse

issue 4345 | 11.06.07 |
Cyborg From The Present Doesn't Have Much To Say

issue 4345 | 11.06.07 |
Struggle With Pistachio Nut Enters Second Minute

issue 4345 | 11.06.07 |