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November 17, 2007 - November 23, 2007 | Issue 43•46

U.S. Intelligence: Iran Possesses Trillions Of Potentially Dangerous Atoms

WASHINGTON—Barely two months after U.N. inspectors in Iran failed to find evidence of an active nuclear weapons program, the Department of Homeland Security...

Law Firm To Purchase One Of Those Big Leather Chairs

issue 4346 | 11.17.07 | News

DAYTON, OH—"As a respectable law firm, Davis, Cassini & Snyder needs an expensive leather chair that doesn't swivel, raise, or... more»
Crime Scene Investigators Find Arrowhead

issue 4346 | 11.16.07 | News

BALTIMORE—Police were shocked to discover an arrowhead that could be thousands of years old lying right next to the partially decomposed bodies... more»
Americans Announce They're Dropping Out Of Presidential Race

issue 4346 | 11.14.07 | News

WASHINGTON—Intense media coverage of trivial issues, partisan bickering, and the relentless exploitation of 9/11 discouraged Americans from... more»
Desperate SNL Releases 'Best Of Melanie Hutsell' DVD

issue 4346 | 11.17.07 | News In Brief

NEW YORK—Having already produced best-of anthologies of such cast members as Will Ferrell, Phil Hartman, and Eddie Murphy, as well as... more»
7-Eleven Shareholders Approve Sale Of Busch Light Six-Pack

issue 4346 | 11.16.07 | News In Brief

DALLAS—A majority of 7-Eleven shareholders approved a $4.35 buyout offer Tuesday from Dean Lindell, 23, for a six-pack of Busch Light... more»
Overfunded Public School Forced To Add Jazz Band

issue 4346 | 11.14.07 | News In Brief

MANALAPAN, NJ—Benjamin Harrison Middle School faculty members regretfully announced Tuesday that, despite their best efforts to prevent... more»
Report: Double Stuf Oreos Could Raise Tolerance To Stuf

issue 4346 | 11.13.07 | News In Brief

EAST HANOVER, NJ—A new report released by the Food and Drug Administration Monday suggests that regular consumption of Oreo's Double... more»
One Last Ruben Studdard Reference Wafts Gently Into The Cool Evening Air

issue 4346 | 11.12.07 | News In Brief

ST. PAUL, MN—Spoken in a hushed and honeyed tone, the name of American Idol 2 winner Ruben Studdard spilled forth from the lips of... more»
U.S. Military Wasting All Its Victories On Notre Dame

issue 4346 | 11.15.07 | Sports News

WASHINGTON, DC—As combined American forces celebrate two consecutive football wins against the Notre Dame Fighting Irish while... more»
Bishops Urge Iraq Withdrawal

issue 4346 | 11.16.07 | American Voices

U.S. Catholic bishops described the situation in Iraq as "unacceptable" and urged the withdrawal of troops as quickly as possible. What do... more»
Stagehand Strike Shutters Broadway

issue 4346 | 11.15.07 | American Voices

Stagehands for Broadway plays are on strike, causing many performances to cancel. What do you think? more»
New Jersey Votes On Death Penalty Ban

issue 4346 | 11.14.07 | American Voices

The New Jersey Assembly will vote on Dec. 13 whether to abolish the death penalty. What do you think? more»
Plague Fatality In Arizona

issue 4346 | 11.13.07 | American Voices

An autopsy revealed that an Arizona biologist who was found dead on Nov. 2 had contracted the pneumonic plague after handling a cougar corpse. What... more»
Adopt-A-Ham Foundation Celebrates Another Successful Year

issue 4346 | 11.19.07 | Radio
Collectible-Plate Industry Calls For Tragic Death Of Barbara Streisand

issue 4346 | 11.18.07 | Radio
Taco Bell's Five Ingredients Combined In Totally New Way

issue 4346 | 11.17.07 | Radio
String Of Nine Missed Periods Ends Spectacularly

issue 4346 | 11.16.07 | Radio
Cookies Mysteriously Disappear From Police Evidence Room

issue 4346 | 11.15.07 | Radio
U.S. Laundry Situation Upgraded to Critical

issue 4346 | 11.14.07 | Radio
God Agrees To Postpone Apocalypse Until After Christmas

issue 4346 | 11.13.07 | Radio
Editorial Cartoon - November 12, 2007

issue 4346 | 11.12.07 | Editorial Cartoon
Iggy Pop Only One Allowed In Grocery Store Shirtless

issue 4346 | 11.13.07 | News In Photos
Thanksgiving Won't Be The Same This Year Without A House

issue 4346 | 11.14.07 | Commentary

I love Thanksgiving. It's always my favorite time of year. A time to surround oneself with friends, family, and four walls to help keep out... more»
This Is The Point In The Blow Job Where I Have To Be Careful What I Say

issue 4346 | 11.14.07 | Commentary

Ordinarily, I am a candid, even verbose individual, but this is a particularly sensitive time for me, so I will try to remain brief. We have... more»
Your Horoscope

issue 4346 | 11.13.07 | Horoscopes
The Health Of America

issue 4346 | 11.14.07 | Infographic

The United Health Foundation recently ranked the 50 states, top to bottom, in order of healthiest to least healthy. Here are some of the key... more»
What Corners Are We Cutting?

issue 4346 | 11.14.07 | Statshot
How Can We Raise Awareness In Darfur Of How Much We're Doing For Them?

issue 4346 | 11.15.07 | Video

Panelists discuss the tragic lack of media access in Darfur and how we can help Darfurians realize how much we're helping them. more»
Medical Miracle: Man Lives Thanks To Heart Stolen From Dead Man

issue 4346 | 11.13.07 | Video

Start your day with our morning show, Today Now! Join hosts Jim and Tracy as they welcome Dave Portman, a real-life Frankenstein's monster. more»
Do Today's Youth Have What It Takes For Today's Video Games?

issue 4346 | 11.16.07 | Sunday Magazine
Former 49ers Head Coach Dick Nolan Dead At 69-82-5

issue 4346 | 11.15.07 | Photo Finish
Being Into Wilco Put On Resumé

issue 4346 | 11.13.07 |
New Study Links Obesity, Hilariousness When Falling

issue 4346 | 11.13.07 |
Web Of Intrigue Growing Tedious

issue 4346 | 11.13.07 |