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December 15, 2007 - December 21, 2007 | Issue 43•50

2007 Holiday Cheer Brought To You By Toyota

NEW YORK—In one of the largest marketing coups in recent years, holiday cheer—the intangible spirit of goodwill towards man, peace on Earth, and warmth in the hearts of...

Man Likes Woman So Much He Marries Her

issue 4350 | 12.15.07 | News

WELLTON, AZ—After making a bunch of sappy vows he probably meant, Leighty open-mouth kissed his bride in front of all the guests and nobody... more»
Sources: George Clooney Looking Good

issue 4350 | 12.14.07 | News

HOLLYWOOD—Clooney, whose steely gaze has captivated millions around the globe, has attained the highest possible scores in every known measure... more»
Bush's New Dentist Faces Tough Confirmation Hearing

issue 4350 | 12.10.07 | News

WASHINGTON—Democrats were wary of the nomination, stating that America needs someone who will not blindly accept it as fact when told Mr. Bush... more»
Town Uglification Committee Approves New Pile Of Garbage Bags

issue 4350 | 12.14.07 | News In Brief

LOUDONVILLE, OH—As part of ongoing efforts to maintain the town's unplesasant appearance, members of the Loudonville Uglification... more»
Only Positive Statistic Of Year Announced

issue 4350 | 12.13.07 | News In Brief

WASHINGTON—Amid a growing list of domestic and international concerns such as skyrocketing fuel prices, the slumping dollar, massive... more»
Folk Art Museum Acquires Rare Visitor

issue 4350 | 12.12.07 | News In Brief

NEW YORK—Representatives from the American Folk Art Museum held a press conference Wednesday, announcing that the "Legacy in Throw... more»
Cheap Airfare Sole Reason For Trip To Italy

issue 4350 | 12.11.07 | News In Brief

FLORENCE, ITALY—Halfway through their one-week vacation to Florence, capital of Italy's celebrated Tuscany region and widely considered... more»
New Product Can Do All That, More

issue 4350 | 12.10.07 | News In Brief

MODESTO, CA—According to late-night television sources, a revolutionary new product that can do all of the tasks of several... more»
Tiger Woods Putts Baby Into Diaper

issue 4350 | 12.13.07 | Sports News

ORLANDO, FL—Tiger Woods added yet another accomplishment to his already outstanding résumé Sunday when the 13-time major winner... more»
Ike Turner Dead

issue 4350 | 12.14.07 | American Voices

Rock and roll pioneer Ike Turner died on Wednesday at 76. What do you think? more»
Romney Runs First Attack Ad

issue 4350 | 12.13.07 | American Voices

Presidential hopeful Mitt Romney became the first candidate in the 2008 Republican race to run an attack ad, slamming Mike Huckabee's record on... more»
The Month Of Zepcember

issue 4350 | 12.12.07 | American Voices

After years apart, the three original members of Led Zeppelin reunited in a triumphant concert in London on Monday. What do you think? more»
Defense Labs Hack May Be Chinese

issue 4350 | 12.11.07 | American Voices

A cyberattack on computers in a U.S. nuclear weapons laboratory is suspected to have been of Chinese origin. What do you think? more»
Clinton, Giuliani Slipping In Polls

issue 4350 | 12.10.07 | American Voices

In the past few months, Democrat presidential front-runner Hillary Clinton and Republican presidential front-runner Rudy Giuliani have each seen... more»
Area Woman Crowned Miss Thang 2007

issue 4350 | 12.14.07 | Radio
Barky Dog Just Going Bark, Bark, Bark

issue 4350 | 12.13.07 | Radio
President Bush Ditches Visiting Dignitary At Congress

issue 4350 | 12.12.07 | Radio
10-Year-Old Boy Discovers Fire

issue 4350 | 12.11.07 | Radio
Editorial Cartoon - December 10, 2007

issue 4350 | 12.10.07 | Editorial Cartoon
Triumph Of Human Engineering Slept Through

issue 4350 | 12.12.07 | News In Photos
Baby Jesus Stolen From Live Nativity

issue 4350 | 12.11.07 | News In Photos
I'm The U.N. Undersecretary Your Mother Warned You About

issue 4350 | 12.12.07 | Commentary

From the moment I showed up at the General Assembly, the other countries knew I was trouble. They took one look at my three- button navy... more»
It's Christmas Time—And I'm In A Holi-Daze!

issue 4350 | 12.12.07 | Columnists

'Twas the weeks before Christmas, And all through my home, Until my kids get some presents They won't leave... more»
Your Horoscope

issue 4350 | 12.11.07 | Horoscopes
Protests Over The Golden Compass

issue 4350 | 12.12.07 | Infographic

Catholics and other religious groups have organized boycotts of The Golden Compass, a film based on a children's book by an avowed... more»
Most Popular Suspicious Behaviors

issue 4350 | 12.12.07 | Statshot
Our Troops Send Holiday Wishes For Peace, Goodwill, And Body Armor

issue 4350 | 12.13.07 | Video

In this special feature, troops overseas talk about things that make the season special, like modular tactical vests and M40 field protective masks. more»
Should Animals Be Doing More For The Animal Rights Movement?

issue 4350 | 12.09.07 | Video

Panelists discuss whether animals should play a more active role in the fight for their rights by participating in marches or organizing boycotts. more»
Report: Nation’s Wealthy Cruelly Deprived Of True Meaning Of Christmas

issue 4350 | 12.02.07 | Video

The nation’s poor get to experience true Christmas spirit, while the wealthy, burdened by shopping and party obligations, are left out in the cold. more»
The Future of Time Travel: Is It Also Its Past?

issue 4350 | 12.14.07 | Sunday Magazine
Fan Favorite White

issue 4350 | 12.13.07 | Photo Finish
Arby's Beef 'n Cheddar Melt Wildly Coughed Into Handful Of Napkins

issue 4350 | 12.11.07 |
Range Of Emotions Experienced At Sight Of Unrecognized Telephone Number

issue 4350 | 12.11.07 |
Child Prodigy Becomes Adult Guy-Who's-Pretty-Good-At-The-Banjo

issue 4350 | 12.11.07 |
Limits Of Nair Tested

issue 4350 | 12.11.07 |