In Brief
- Milla Jovovich Inducted Into Basic Cable Hall of Fame
- Control Of Anecdote Wrested From Boyfriend
- CIA On Torture Memo: 'We Need To Stop Writing This Stuff Down'
- Jakob Dylan Still Not Convinced Father A Better Songwriter
- Science Teacher Struggles To Justify Showing Total Recall
- Stoners Announce Plans To Get Stoned For That
- Video: Entertainment Scientists Warn Miley Cyrus Will Be Depleted by 2013
- Video: Bush Tours America To Survey Damage Caused By His Disastrous Presidency
- Video: Today Now!: How To Pretend You Give A Shit About The Election
- Video: Supreme Court Rules Death Penalty Is 'Totally Badass'
- Biofuels Worse For The Environment
- Video: 'Warcraft' Sequel Lets Gamers Play A Character Playing 'Warcraft'
- Red-Lace Nightie Portends Another Excruciating Night For Closeted Husband
- Radio News: 8-Year-Old Forced To Eat Organic Macaroni And Cheese
- Video: Study: Most Children Strongly Opposed To Children’s Healthcare
- Honeybees Dying Mysteriously
- Video: Bush Tours America To Survey Damage Caused By His Disastrous Presidency
- Video: Today Now!: How To Pretend You Give A Shit About The Election
- Video: Entertainment Scientists Warn Miley Cyrus Will Be Depleted by 2013
- Video: Supreme Court Rules Death Penalty Is 'Totally Badass'
- Video: New Wearable Feedbags Let Americans Eat More, Move Less
- Video: Study: Most Children Strongly Opposed To Children’s Healthcare
- Report: 98 Percent Of U.S. Commuters Favor Public Transportation For Others
- Video: 'Warcraft' Sequel Lets Gamers Play A Character Playing 'Warcraft'
- Nation's Snowmen March Against Global Warming
- Bush Urges Expanded Drilling Of Alaskan Wildlife
- Video: Entertainment Scientists Warn Miley Cyrus Will Be Depleted by 2013
- Video: Bush Tours America To Survey Damage Caused By His Disastrous Presidency
- Radio News: 8-Year-Old Forced To Eat Organic Macaroni And Cheese
- Fantasy Baseball Owner Rips Team In Media
- Bush Urges Expanded Drilling Of Alaskan Wildlife
- Opinion: I'm Doing My Inconsequential Part For The Environment
- Taco Bell Launches New 'Morning After' Burrito
- Bush Challenges America To Produce The Perfect Romantic Comedy By 2009
- Transgendered Sea Anemone Denounced As 'Abomination' By Clergy
- Massive Oil Spill Results In Improved Wildlife Viscosity
- Study: Watching Fewer Than Four Hours Of TV A Day Impairs Ability To Ridicule Pop Culture
- Toronto Raptors Sign Unusually Tall Man
- Area Family's Trip To New Hampshire Sparks Rumors Of Presidential Bid
- Hilarious Hamlet Essay Circulated In Teachers' Lounge
- Gambling-Addiction Study Gets Out Of Hand
- Raped Environment Led Polluters On, Defense Attorneys Argue
- Alternative-Medicine Practitioner Refuses Alternative Method Of Payment
- Racial Profiling Okay?
- Rich First-Grader Buys Whole Sheet Of Gold Stars
- Relaxation Tape Can't Play Any Louder
Features
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Stockwatch
The eco-friendly steel company enjoyed a price rise after the government placed a substantial order for rapidly biodegradable girders.
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National News Highlights
Roll over locations for news
- BROOKINGS, SD—Frances Kelly is never drinking Red Bull and vodka again, unless someone buys it for her.
- JERSEY CITY, NJ—Unions are blaming Asian outsourcing for the closure of a local computer-dissolving pit.
- HOBBS, NM—Locals are wondering if it might finally be time to tell 14-year-old Timmy Leverette the truth about jackalopes.
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Sunday Magazine
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Stockwatch
Shares in this multi-faceted business spiked after an ED-209 unit massacred traders buying the stock of a rival company.
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National News Highlights
Roll over locations for news
- BOZEMAN, MT—Even if Billy Jim did double-park his truck in front of the tavern, there ain't nothing any of you chickenshits can do about it.
- SPOKANE, WA—Despite the fact that he has never once used any of the five that he already owns, 42-year-old David Moss demanded another complimentary beer koozie bearing his bank's name and insignia.
- PORTLAND, ME—Local man Ron Healey is enjoying the one time of year when he's free to decorate his van with paintings of his favorite ice creams, without being hassled by kids.
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Yet Another Media-Savvy Ex-Hostage Delights TV-News Producers
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U.S. Dollar Slips Against Canadian Acorn
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Price Of Nuclear Secrets Plummeting
IN FOCUS: International
IN FOCUS: Economy
IN FOCUS: Nuclear Weapons
Issue Highlights
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Pretty Girl Hugged With Both Arms
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Ron Paul Placed Four Podiums Away From Other Candidates
From our News Partners
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CNN
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Slate
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AV Club
