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February 16, 2008 - February 22, 2008 | Issue 44•07

3'-By-4' Plot Of Green Space Rejuvenates Neighborhood

DETROIT—Notorious for its abandoned buildings, industrial warehouses, and gray, dilapidated roads, Detroit's Warrendale neighborhood was miraculously revitalized this week by the installation of...

Area Man Honored To Be One Who Added Death Date To Heath Ledger's Wikipedia Page

issue 4407 | 02.16.08 | News

CEDAR RAPIDS, IA—"I just want to thank the Ledger family for giving me this opportunity," Blake Yardley said. "I'm sure they knew of his... more»
Asian Markets Fall Like Cherry Blossoms In Gentle Spring Rain

issue 4407 | 02.15.08 | News

TOKYO, HONG KONG, SEOUL—"Our worst monthly drop; rate cuts make investors flee—to commodities," Nikkei index vice commissioner Fukako... more»
Kitchen-Floor Conflict Intensifies As Rival House Cats Claim Same Empty Bag

issue 4407 | 02.13.08 | News

MAPLEWOOD, MO—"It is beginning to appear that any long-term solution may have to involve deployment of the disciplinary squirt bottle," said... more»
Study: Use Of Phrase 'Don't Skimp On The' Linked To Heart Disease

issue 4407 | 02.15.08 | News In Brief

DALLAS—According to a study published Monday by the American Heart Association, people who frequently start sentences with the phrase "don't... more»
U.S. Navy Creates Cool New 'Ping' Sound

issue 4407 | 02.14.08 | News In Brief

WASHINGTON—The U.S. Navy announced Monday that field tests of a cool new "ping" sound, a $3 billion project in development since the Cold... more»
Employees On Other End Of Conference Call Just Want It To Be Over

issue 4407 | 02.13.08 | News In Brief

NORTH ANDOVER, MA—Sources at NuVista advertising agency's North Andover headquarters announced moments ago that they want nothing more than a... more»
Conference Call Going Awesome

issue 4407 | 02.12.08 | News In Brief

NEW YORK—Sources at the NuVista advertising agency have confirmed only moments ago that the ongoing conference call with headquarters in... more»
Next Generation To Take A Pass On Aerosmith

issue 4407 | 02.11.08 | News In Brief

BOSTON—In an address made to the rock-and-roll community Tuesday, the nation's children aged 5 to 14 announced their intention to opt out of... more»
Shaq Terrified Of Phoenix Suns After Reading About Supernovas

issue 4407 | 02.14.08 | Sports News

TEMPE, AZ—Claiming he was initially excited at the prospect of playing for a legitimate championship contender, new Phoenix Suns center... more»
Australia Apologizes To Aborigines

issue 4407 | 02.15.08 | American Voices

Australian prime minister Kevin Rudd delivered a speech in Parliament in which he apologized to the country’s indigenous people for past wrongs.... more»
Florida Evicts Bridge-Dwelling Sex Offenders

issue 4407 | 02.14.08 | American Voices

The state of Florida is dissuading sex offenders from continuing to live under a bridge, despite their claims that existing ordinances prevent them... more»
Chavez Threatens To Cut United States Off

issue 4407 | 02.13.08 | American Voices

Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez has threatened to stop sending oil to the United States, citing Washington’s role in aiding Exxon Mobil with a... more»
Clinton Campaign Manager Out

issue 4407 | 02.12.08 | American Voices

Sen. Hillary Clinton replaced her campaign manager, Patti Solis Doyle, after Barack Obama claimed victory in Maine this weekend. What do you... more»
U.S. Stores Accepting Euros

issue 4407 | 02.11.08 | American Voices

In what is seen as a sign of the declining dollar, many New York City stores have begun accepting euros. What do you think? more»
Miss America Loses Crown In Double-Or-Nothing Pageant

issue 4407 | 02.18.08 | Radio
ACLU Defends Nazi's Right To Burn Down ACLU's Headquarters

issue 4407 | 02.17.08 | Radio
Exxon Paleontologists Call For Increased U.S. Fossil Production

issue 4407 | 02.16.08 | Radio
New Pipeline Threatens Migrating Baby Boomers

issue 4407 | 02.15.08 | Radio
Bow Hunter Learns A Lot About Bears In Six Seconds

issue 4407 | 02.14.08 | Radio
Dead iPod Returns To Life Every Year On Anniversary Of Death

issue 4407 | 02.13.08 | Radio
Man Channels Love Of America Through Car Horn

issue 4407 | 02.12.08 | Radio
Editorial Cartoon - February 11, 2008

issue 4407 | 02.11.08 | Editorial Cartoon
Foot-Long Hoagie Used As Ruler

issue 4407 | 02.12.08 | News In Photos
In A Few Years, We'll All Laugh About This Shitty New Health Insurance Plan

issue 4407 | 02.13.08 | Commentary

Fellow employees, I know that many of you feel frustrated, angry, and confused about this company's new insurance provider, BirchStreet.com... more»
Do We Really Want Another Black President After The Events Of Deep Impact?

issue 4407 | 02.13.08 | Commentary

I am not prejudiced. Far from it. What I am—or, I should say, who I am—is a man who loves his country so deeply that he... more»
Your Horoscope

issue 4407 | 02.12.08 | Horoscopes
Conservative Pundits Against McCain

issue 4407 | 02.13.08 | Infographic

Conservative pundits Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, and Ann Coulter have spoken out against Republican presidential candidate John McCain,... more»
What Are Our Presidential Candidates Praying For?

issue 4407 | 02.13.08 | Statshot
Expert On Anteaters Wasted Entire Life Studying Anteaters

issue 4407 | 02.13.08 | Video

Today Now! host Jim Haggerty consoles a severely depressed zoologist on the latest Critter Corner installment. more»
Online Dating Helping Pathetic Women Get Their Hopes Crushed More Efficiently

issue 4407 | 02.12.08 | Video

Websites like Match.com allow sad, lonely women all over the country to invite pain and rejection into their lives with just a few clicks of the... more»
How You Know You're In A Coma

issue 4407 | 02.15.08 | Sunday Magazine
Roger Federer Shows Up On Court With Wii Controller

issue 4407 | 02.14.08 | Photo Finish
Mugger Chooses Man Whistling 'Come On Eileen'

issue 4407 | 02.13.08 |
Yahoo Mail To Stay Competitive By Adding Second Subject Line

issue 4407 | 02.13.08 |
Asshole Confirms You Can't Beat Three Days Of Golf At That Price

issue 4407 | 02.13.08 |