In Brief
- Whale Expert Measures Everything In Elephants
- Ad Campaign Appeals To Young, Hip, Influenced-By-Ad-Campaigns Demographic
- Study: Snapping Three Times Leading Way To Recall Movies, Actors
- Camel Cash Inherited From Grandpa
- Rockin' Party Dude Strongly Recommends Additional Drinking
-
Man Who Should Be President Has Asymmetrical Eyebrows
- Area Man To Try Showering At Night
Our Dumb World
Estonia
United In Circular Dancing
The merry nation of Estonia has been under foreign control for most of its history, due to the fact that its main form of defense is holding hands...
- Number Of Acceptable Things Candidates Can Say Now Down To Four
- Michel Gondry Entertained For Days By New Cardboard Box
- Opinion: I'm The Denzel Washington In Training Day Of Booking Plane Tickets Online
- Video: McCain Vows To Replace Secret Service With His Own Bare Fists
- Nationals Book It After Foul Ball Accidentally Smashes Capitol Rotunda
- Economic Stimulus Check Burned For Warmth
- Video: Historic ‘Blockbuster’ Store Offers Glimpse Of How Movies Were Rented In The Past
- Pope Returns To Vatican With Comprehensive Plan To Blow Up United States
- MLB Pickpocket Suspected In Series Of Stolen Batting Gloves
- New NFL Rule Will Force Players To Have One Of Three Appropriate Haircuts
Features
-
Stockwatch
Bucking the market trend, AFS has been experiencing steady growth due in large part to the need by other companies to neatly organize and store Chapter 11 bankruptcy files.
-
National News Highlights
Roll over locations for news
- BROKEN BOW, NE—After tragically blowing out his knee, McCook High right fielder Cam Feightner was tearfully taken behind the grain elevator and shot.
- WINSTON-SALEM, NC—A pillow-fight truce between 9-year-olds Ben Collette and Brennan Carney was immediately broken.
- CHICAGO—Danielle Proctor is in love with her dating coach again.
-
Sunday Magazine
-
Stockwatch
Shares for the women's apparel retailer tumbled to a new quarterly low as yet more women recoiled from the association between fashion and farm animals.
-
National News Highlights
Roll over locations for news
- AUGUSTA, ME—A hostile exchange ended when Fred Gelsch was quickly sucker-punched from behind, and then very slowly moron-punched from the front.
- TUSCON, AZ—This week, Dave Watts proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that he could talk his way out of any Jamiroquai argument.
- CHICAGO—Shortly after getting hired, Andrew Jasperson, 22, knew he was working at a cool advertising firm when he saw that his boss hadn't tucked in his shirt.
-
Israelites Sue God For Breach Of Covenant
-
Report: Al-Qaeda Allegedly Engaging In Telemarketing
-
Fed to Make Interest Rates Undulate Relaxingly
IN FOCUS: Israel
IN FOCUS: Al-Qaeda
IN FOCUS: THE FED
Issue Highlights
-
Police Lose Planted Evidence
-
Grandma Just Called To Talk About 1956
-
Clinton Secures Delegates To Top Of Bus
From our News Partners
-
CNN
-
Slate
-
AV Club
