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March 22, 2008 - March 28, 2008 | Issue 44•12

Wii Video Games Blamed For Rise In Effeminate Violence

WASHINGTON—Concerned parents are again blasting the Nintendo Wii for an incident of effeminate violence following a 13-year-old...

Daddy Put In Bye-Bye Box

issue 4412 | 03.22.08 | News

ITHACA, NY—"I'm going to be the big boy of the house until he gets back," said 5-year-old Ryan Lewis, whose daddy now resides in a cool... more»
Naked Woman Picture Gains Popularity On Internet

issue 4412 | 03.21.08 | News

SAN FRANCISCO—Analysts say the nude-lady photo falls outside typical uses for the Internet, such as checking e-mail or accessing tax laws... more»
Black Guy Asks Nation For Change

issue 4412 | 03.19.08 | News

CHICAGO—Some residents reported seeing the black guy waving wildly and quoting from the Bible, while others said they spotted him shouting... more»
Roommate Won't Shut Up About His Best Sound Mixing Oscar

issue 4412 | 03.21.08 | News In Brief

LANGLEY, WA—According to Brent Gryniuk, roommate Kirk has not stopped talking about his Academy Award for Achievement in Sound Mixing for the... more»
Couple Unable To Conceive Of Child

issue 4412 | 03.20.08 | News In Brief

FREEPORT, ME—After six months of attempting to conceive of having children, local couple Beth and Nathan Jablonski told reporters Monday that... more»
Report: 32% Of Prayers Deflected Off Passing Satellites

issue 4412 | 03.19.08 | News In Brief

HOUSTON—According to an official NASA report released Saturday, nearly 32 percent of all prayers exiting Earth are deflected off satellites... more»
Burger King's Royal Taster Found Dead

issue 4412 | 03.18.08 | News In Brief

ROYAL FOOD COURT OF THE BURGER KING—Gabriello di Mangiagrasso, the King of Burger's royal food taster since 1986, was found dead in his... more»
Area Man Can Tell Commercial Will Be For Corona

issue 4412 | 03.17.08 | News In Brief

BISBEE, AZ—Local man James Fitzner, 42, was able to successfully predict within seven seconds that a recent 30-second TV commercial was... more»
NIT Still Has 10 Open Slots If Anyone Wants To Play

issue 4412 | 03.20.08 | Sports News

NEW YORK—Though the NCAA's postseason consolation tournament began play earlier this week, National Invitational Tournament selection... more»
Clinton Wants New Primary

issue 4412 | 03.21.08 | American Voices

Hillary Clinton is calling on Barack Obama to overturn the ruling of the Democratic party and concede to accepting the "do-over" primaries of... more»
Choking Game Deadly

issue 4412 | 03.20.08 | American Voices

According to a recent government report, the choking game, in which people restrict their oxygen flow in order to achieve a moment of euphoria, has... more»
Flaws In FBI Watchlist

issue 4412 | 03.19.08 | American Voices

An audit revealed that there were notable inaccuracies over the past three years in information the FBI was providing to the government about... more»
China Cracking Down On Tibet

issue 4412 | 03.18.08 | American Voices

China has been cracking down against protesting Tibetans, leading to widespread unrest and more than 80 fatalities. What do you think? more»
Florida Democrats Mail It In

issue 4412 | 03.17.08 | American Voices

Florida Democrats are trying to have a mail-in primary so their delegates' votes will be counted at their party's convention. What do you... more»
Everything On Area Man's iPod Just There As A Joke

issue 4412 | 03.24.08 | Radio
Peeping Tom Sick And Tired Of Watching People Watch Television

issue 4412 | 03.23.08 | Radio
Former American Gladiator Still Insists Friends Call Him Turbo

issue 4412 | 03.22.08 | Radio
Faith Healer Calls In Faith Gastroenterologist

issue 4412 | 03.21.08 | Radio
Mysteriocrats Nominate Shadowy Figure For President

issue 4412 | 03.20.08 | Radio
Last Mozzarella Stick Sacrificed In Herculean Display Of Good Manners

issue 4412 | 03.19.08 | Radio
President Bush Accidentally Signs Cast Into Law

issue 4412 | 03.18.08 | Radio
Editorial Cartoon - March 17, 2008

issue 4412 | 03.17.08 | Editorial Cartoon
Dunkin' Donuts/Baskin Robbins/Pizza Hut/Taco Bell/Long John Silver's Opens

issue 4412 | 03.18.08 | News In Photos
I Love My Country–Aw, Who Am I Kidding? My Country Can Go Fuck Itself

issue 4412 | 03.19.08 | Commentary

When I look at that grand old flag, waving up there, big and proud in the breeze, my heart swells near to bursting, and a tear forms in my... more»
I Got A Rat Problem, And I Don't Mean The Band

issue 4412 | 03.19.08 | Columnists

Hola, amigos. I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya, but I been puttin' out fires left and right. First off, the brakes on my... more»
Your Horoscope

issue 4412 | 03.18.08 | Horoscopes
McCain's Running Mate

issue 4412 | 03.19.08 | Infographic

All but assured the Republican presidential nomination, John McCain has begun discussing possible running mates. Who is on his short... more»
Signs of Spring

issue 4412 | 03.19.08 | Statshot
White House Press Secretary Spins Wife’s Tragic Death As A Positive

issue 4412 | 03.19.08 | Video

Press Secretary Ted Barrett deflects questions about the gruesome car wreck that killed his wife hours ago in order to focus on the President's... more»
Army Holds Annual 'Bring Your Daughter To War' Day

issue 4412 | 03.17.08 | Video

Girls between the ages of 8 and 14 spent the day helping their parents fight insurgents and defuse mines. more»
Lipstick Jungle

issue 4412 | 03.21.08 | Sunday Magazine
Red Sox Begin Long Sea Voyage To Japan For Opener

issue 4412 | 03.20.08 | Photo Finish
Google' Now An Adjective

issue 4412 | 03.19.08 |
Dept. Of Tautology Rereleases Report For Second Time

issue 4412 | 03.19.08 |
Silent Protest Sparks Silent Debate

issue 4412 | 03.19.08 |