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- Congress Can't Remember Last Time It Got Together And Legislated Like This
- Blog: We Must Lower Age-Of-Consent Laws
- Members Of Twisted Sister Now Willing To Take It
- Statshot: What Is The $700 Billion Bailout Being Spent On?
- Video: China Launches First Willing Manned Mission Into Space
- Churches Illegally Endorse Candidates
- Video: Obama Runs Constructive Criticism Ad Against McCain
- Police: iPhone Left In Hot Car For Three Hours
- Palin Brushing Up On Foreign Policy At Epcot
- Wealthy Teen Nearly Experiences Consequence
- Opinion: People Of Earth, I Lack Basic Social Skills
- Parents Of Obama Volunteer Couldn't Be More Proud, Sick Of Son
- Palin Brushing Up On Foreign Policy At Epcot
- Members Of Twisted Sister Now Willing To Take It
- Police: iPhone Left In Hot Car For Three Hours
- Report: 60 Million People You'd Never Talk To Voting For Other Guy
- Video: Obama Promises To Stop America's Shitty Jobs From Going Overseas
- Video: Obama Runs Constructive Criticism Ad Against McCain
- Wealthy Teen Nearly Experiences Consequence
- Video: China Launches First Willing Manned Mission Into Space
- Video: McCain’s Economic Plan For Nation: 'Everyone Marry A Beer Heiress'
- Parents Of Obama Volunteer Couldn't Be More Proud, Sick Of Son
- Employee's Multitasking Doesn't Include Work
- Police: iPhone Left In Hot Car For Three Hours
- Opinion: Historical Archives: Great God, The Stenche
- Opinion: People Of Earth, I Lack Basic Social Skills
- John Kerry Actually Pretty Good At Windsurfing Now
- Breast Cancer Launches WNBA Awareness Month
- Video: China Launches First Willing Manned Mission Into Space
- Local Woman Devotes Life To Doing God's Busy Work
- Report: 60 Million People You'd Never Talk To Voting For Other Guy
- Scandal: McCain Won Miss Congeniality Of U.S. Senate In 2000, 2003
- Marilyn Manson Now Going Door-To-Door Trying To Shock People
- Kremlin Reports Yeltsin In Good Health Following Burial
- Officer Passed Over For General Still Asked To Contribute Battle Plans
- Horse-Race Announcer Clearly Had Money on 'Little Dancer'
- Bush Goes Blonde For Remainder Of Presidency
- Revised Patriot Act Will Make It Illegal To Read Patriot Act
- Tennessee Legislature Divided Over Ford-Chevy Issue
- Nevada Boxing Commission Denies Involvement In Fighting Ring
- Tina Yothers Fantasy Camp Files For Bankruptcy
- Law Firm To Purchase One Of Those Big Leather Chairs
Features
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Stockwatch
Stock in the clothing line has surged recently, as Americans are beginning to catch on to the trend of a tan cotton casual pant.
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National News Highlights
Roll over locations for news
- VIOLA, DE—Classic car enthusiasts and GLAAD members alike were horrified on Sunday when "God Hates Fags" was found spray-painted on a 1963 Chevrolet Impala two-door hardtop sport coupe.
- PAWLET, VT—Paul Jacobsen, the town's sole effeminate male, spent the night carefully crafting a comment on Vermont's civil unions that would not make him seem gay.
- WHITE PLAINS, NY—After his first date since his college days, Ken Burke, 25, was relieved to find out that the French kiss is still the kiss of choice among mid-20-year-olds and that no new advances had been made in kissing procedures.
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Stockwatch
Sales figures for the clothing retailer climbed for the third consecutive quarter as stay-at-home moms continue to completely give up.
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National News Highlights
Roll over locations for news
- BARRE TOWN, VT—Ten people in town noticed there was a full moon last Wednesday, but only five thought it had an effect on them.
- PONCA CITY, OK—The Peterson Brothers, who dressed up like girls and spoke in high-pitched voices, won the middle school talent show.
- SAN DIEGO—An unemployed Devin Kardos figured if he was going to put on pants, he might as well put on sunglasses, too.
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Congress To Raise Alpacas To Aid Struggling Economy
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Just Six Corporations Remain
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World Leaders Gather To Roast Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
IN FOCUS: Politics
IN FOCUS: Business
IN FOCUS: International
Issue Highlights
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Climbing Inside Of Air Conditioner Briefly Contemplated
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Study: Firing Gun, Yelling 'Everybody Shut Up' Best Way To Get Attention
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Herstory Not Going To Repeat Itself Again
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KFC Manager Wants Bucket On His Desk By End Of Day
From our News Partners
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CNN
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Slate
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AV Club
