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- Pedophile Nervous For First Day Of School
- Video: Portrayal Of Obama As Elitist Hailed As Step Forward For African Americans
- McCain Chooses Palin As VP
- Amish Population Boom
- Cheney Waits Until Last Minute Again To Buy Sept. 11 Gifts
- Video: Old, Grizzled Third-Party Candidate May Steal Support From McCain
- Clinton Supporters Contributing To McCain
- McCain Speechwriter Trying To Write Lines That Don't Lead To Creepy Smile
- Top Story On John McCain Run Out Of Obligation
- Evolutionists Flock To Darwin-Shaped Wall Stain
- Video: Old, Grizzled Third-Party Candidate May Steal Support From McCain
- Video: Portrayal Of Obama As Elitist Hailed As Step Forward For African Americans
- Evolutionists Flock To Darwin-Shaped Wall Stain
- Cheney Waits Until Last Minute Again To Buy Sept. 11 Gifts
- Pedophile Nervous For First Day Of School
- Video: Bush Tours America To Survey Damage Caused By His Disastrous Presidency
- Brett Favre Getting That Retirement Itch Again
- McCain Speechwriter Trying To Write Lines That Don't Lead To Creepy Smile
- New Little Caesars Marketing Strategy Has Employees Throw Themselves On Hoods Of Passing Cars
- Opinion: Inconveniencing Others Makes Me Feel Alive
- Evolutionists Flock To Darwin-Shaped Wall Stain
- Pedophile Nervous For First Day Of School
- Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity With New 'Intelligent Falling' Theory
- Cheney Offspring Bursts From Bush's Chest
- Kansas Outlaws Practice Of Evolution
- Cheney Waits Until Last Minute Again To Buy Sept. 11 Gifts
- Smiling Now Primarily Used To Communicate Anger
- Video: Genetic Scientists Develop Sheep With Brain Of A Goat
- Maxim Reader Eager To Put Newly Acquired Knowledge Of Women To Use
- Top Story On John McCain Run Out Of Obligation
- FDA: Juicy Green Apple Conditioner Best Used With Juicy Green Apple Shampoo
- Business Card Confirms Real-Estate Salesman Is Eddie Money
- Clinton Consults Surgeon General On Behalf Of Friend Curious About Homosexuality
- Department Of Treasure Releases 2008 Doubloons
- Area Mom Really Gets Her Rocks Off On Being Appreciated
- Principal Hates Underachievers, Overachievers
- Real-Life Grinch Celebrates 'Hanukkah'
- Area Man Can't Wait To Get Home To Look Out New Window
- What Foolhardy Mortal Thinks He Can Shelve Faster Than I?
- NASA To Crack Down On Practical Jokes
Features
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Sunday Magazine
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Sunday Magazine
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Sunday Magazine
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Stockwatch
Shares of the world's largest oil company continued to climb today as brokers realized that investing in the world's largest supplier of something everybody uses is a pretty safe bet.
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National News Highlights
Roll over locations for news
- BURKSVILLE, KY—Floyd Patters, a retired coal miner who worked in the mines for more than 40 years, announced that he would have quit sooner had he known that was allowed.
- CEDAR HILLS, OR—An innocent stroll in the park ended horribly when Ben Milford casually kicked a stone in his path and fatally struck a squirrel directly in the neck.
- CARSON CITY, NV—After going on his third vision quest in the desert in one month, Zach Feldman’s animal spirit finally broke down and told him that he really needed to get himself a girlfriend.
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Thousands Lose Jobs As Michigan Unemployment Offices Close
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Soccer Mom To Suck Off World's Greatest Dad
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That Teen-Abstinence Rally Totally Rocked!
IN FOCUS: Economy
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IN FOCUS: Education
Issue Highlights
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Allergies Prevent Man From Enjoying Dust
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Hybrid Car Owner Glad You Asked
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Hotel Guest Taking Full Advantage
Of Free ElectricityNATIONAL
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