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July 19, 2008 - July 25, 2008 | Issue 44•29

Recession-Plagued Nation Demands New Bubble To Invest In

WASHINGTON—A panel of top business leaders testified before Congress about the worsening recession Monday, demanding the government provide Americans with a new irresponsible and largely illusory economic bubble...

Man Returns To Place Of Birth To Mate

issue 4429 | 07.19.08 | News

TWIN FALLS, ID—"It's beautiful," said one nearby observer who wished to remain anonymous. "I never tire of watching these majestic creatures... more»
'Time' Publishes Definitive Obama Puff Piece

issue 4429 | 07.18.08 | News

NEW YORK—The 24-page profile features the most lack-of-depth reporting on Obama ever published, and has helped to redefine the boundaries of... more»
Hubble Kaleidoscope Finds Evidence Of Space Looking All Crazy

issue 4429 | 07.16.08 | News

BALTIMORE—Scientists now have access to clear images of the multicolored polygons and sparkling glitter believed to cover up to 99.999 percent... more»
Rain Told To Go Away In 1986 Returns

issue 4429 | 07.18.08 | News In Brief

ADAIR, IA—A rainstorm that in August 1986 was told to "go away" and advised to come again another day returned Monday, soaking the... more»
Television Character Nervous About Upcoming Class Reunion

issue 4429 | 07.17.08 | News In Brief

LOS ANGELES—Just one week after being temporarily reunited with his long-lost twin brother, television character Jason Thompson, 28,... more»
Sen. Dick Lugar Placed On Congressional Disabled List With Strained Hamstring

issue 4429 | 07.16.08 | News In Brief

WASHINGTON—Two days after tearing his right hamstring while sponsoring bill S. 2597, Sen. Dick Lugar (R-IN-.314) was placed on the... more»
Going To Tops Of Things Still Favored By Nation's Tourists

issue 4429 | 07.15.08 | News In Brief

[media:77187]NEW YORK—According to a report released Monday by the American Tourism Society, going to the tops of things is still the... more»
No One In Group Admits Girls' Night Out A Colossal Failure

issue 4429 | 07.14.08 | News In Brief

[media:64589]PROVIDENCE, RI—After hyping the outing with several days of text messages, including "things are going to get crazy," "the... more»
Appealed Strike Call Taken All The Way To Supreme Court

issue 4429 | 07.17.08 | Sports News

WASHINGTON—The United States Supreme Court heard oral arguments yesterday in the case of Wright v. Dreckman, which calls into... more»
McCain Addresses NAACP

issue 4429 | 07.18.08 | American Voices

Presumptive Republican presidential candidate John McCain spoke before the NAACP on Wednesday. What do you think? more»
Secondhand TV Distracts From Playtime

issue 4429 | 07.17.08 | American Voices

A new study demonstrates that when a television is on the background, children play about 5 percent less than without, thus impeding development of... more»
Bush Lifts Offshore Drilling Ban

issue 4429 | 07.16.08 | American Voices

To give the appearance of combating high oil prices, President Bush lifted a long-standing executive order prohibiting offshore drilling. What do... more»
Obama Chastises Bernie Mac

issue 4429 | 07.15.08 | American Voices

Presumptive Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama asked comedian Bernie Mac to "clean up his act" after some of his jokes rankled audience... more»
Apology To Area Dog Insincere

issue 4429 | 07.21.08 | Radio
Time Warner CEO Announces Plans To Merge With Secretary

issue 4429 | 07.20.08 | Radio
Earth Explodes

issue 4429 | 07.19.08 | Radio
Gettysburg Battlefield Solemnly Urinated On

issue 4429 | 07.18.08 | Radio
Ronald Reagan Prime Suspect In Bank Robbery

issue 4429 | 07.17.08 | Radio
Nunchuck Mastery Displayed To Enemy

issue 4429 | 07.16.08 | Radio
Car-Wash Employee Tragically Simonized

issue 4429 | 07.15.08 | Radio
Editorial Cartoon - July 14, 2008

issue 4429 | 07.14.08 | Editorial Cartoon
Infants Piling Up At Orphanage’s Old Address

issue 4429 | 07.15.08 | News In Photos
Shit Yeah, Another Baby

issue 4429 | 07.16.08 | Commentary

Free clinic says I'm gonna have me another baby. Two months I been pregnant already, and it's like I didn't even notice. But now I'm pumped... more»
I Don't Have Time For Noncontroversial Art Exhibits

issue 4429 | 07.16.08 | Commentary

I'm a busy man. If you know me, that's old news. Chances are, if I'm not standing in line for one controversial art exhibition, I'm on my... more»
Your Horoscope

issue 4429 | 07.15.08 | Horoscopes
Climate Change's Security Fallout

issue 4429 | 07.16.08 | Infographic

The National Intelligence Council recently addressed Congress to discuss the security threats that need to be considered in the face of... more»
What Is Being Adapted To Opera?

issue 4429 | 07.16.08 | Statshot
Tiny Dog Has Been Barking Nonstop For 6 Years

issue 4429 | 07.16.08 | Video

Pausing only to eat, the West Highland white terrier yips and yelps 24 hours a day, according to neighbors. more»
'No Values Voters' Looking To Support Most Evil Candidate

issue 4429 | 07.14.08 | Video

Both candidates are stepping up their efforts to attract crucial 'no values voters' by abusing animals and murdering the elderly. more»
The Legacy Of George W. Bush

issue 4429 | 01.21.09 | Slideshow
The Week In Review

issue 4429 | 07.19.08 | Slideshow
Unsuccessful 20 Years Old You Don't Need To Be Jealous Of

issue 4429 | 07.18.08 | Sunday Magazine
Angry Jim Leyland's Mustache Keeps Falling Off While Yelling At Team

issue 4429 | 07.17.08 | Photo Finish
Roommate Can't Believe His Fire Extinguisher Used Without Asking

issue 4429 | 07.14.08 | Newswire
Teen Jury Finds Defendant Cool

issue 4429 | 07.14.08 | Newswire
Sexual Boundaries Disputed

issue 4429 | 07.14.08 | Newswire
Gathering Of Pigeons Shown Who Is Boss

issue 4429 | 07.14.08 | Newswire