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July 26, 2008 - August 1, 2008 | Issue 44•30

Israel, Palestine Now Fighting Over Cemetery Space

JERUSALEM—After decades of bitter conflict and the loss of thousands of innocent lives, Israeli and Palestinian forces clashed once again this week, with each side laying claim...

Mob Not Angry At Monster, Just Disappointed

issue 4430 | 07.26.08 | News

CEAMURLIA, ROMANIA—"We can't help him unless he helps himself," said a villager. "Right now, all he seems to want to do is hang out and drown... more»
Courageous E-mail To Boss In Drafts Folder Since December

issue 4430 | 07.25.08 | News

COLUMBUS, OH—Brent Quigley considered sending the e-mail, clicking and holding his mouse arrow over the "Send" icon, but ultimately dragged it... more»
Queen Elizabeth II Announces She's Pregnant Again

issue 4430 | 07.23.08 | News

LONDON—The queen assured her 59-year-old son, Prince Charles, that he was still special, and the baby would not replace him as the heir... more»
Can't Go Wrong With A Cheeseburger, Area Man Reports

issue 4430 | 07.25.08 | News In Brief

[media:64749]SCOTTSVILLE, NY—Unfamiliar with the menu at local restaurant Scully's and faced with the decision of what to order for... more»
Only Remaining Rhyme Rapper Can Think Of Is 'Cliff Clavin'

issue 4430 | 07.24.08 | News In Brief

ATLANTA—Rapper Young Jeezy, attempting to put the finishing touches on his latest single "U Know Da Club," has exhausted every rhyme... more»
Darfur, IA Also In Pretty Bad Shape

issue 4430 | 07.23.08 | News In Brief

[media:71533]DARFUR, IA—Residents of Darfur, IA reached out to the international press today, in an attempt to bring greater attention... more»
Firefighters Turned Away From Exclusive Nightclub Blaze

issue 4430 | 07.22.08 | News In Brief

DETROIT—After responding to a fire at elite nightclub Tech-Noir, all 20 members of Ladder Company 24 were denied entrance and forced... more»
Man Given Points For Trying Increases Total Trying Points To 643,457

issue 4430 | 07.21.08 | News In Brief

HIAWATHA, IA—After a failed attempt to surprise his family with a chili dinner Friday, Frank Hayden, 38, was given 16 points for trying... more»
C.C. Sabathia, Prince Fielder Keep Imagining Each Other As Giant Talking Hot Dog, Hamburger

issue 4430 | 07.24.08 | Sports News

MILWAUKEE—The Brewers' playoff push has run afoul of an unusual distraction, as sources close to the organization confirm that newly... more»
Novak Hits Pedestrian With Corvette

issue 4430 | 07.25.08 | American Voices

Columnist Robert Novak struck a pedestrian while driving a black Corvette on Washington D.C.'s K Street, and had to be chased down by a bicyclist... more»
U.S. Deserters Not Safe in Canada

issue 4430 | 07.24.08 | American Voices

Canada, long considered a safe haven for deserters from the United States armed forces, have been toughening their stance against Americans seeking... more»
Ebert and Roeper Leaving 'Ebert and Roeper'

issue 4430 | 07.23.08 | American Voices

Film critic Roger Ebert and Chicago Sun-Times columnist Richard Roeper have opted not to renew their contract with Disney, thereby ending... more»
Pope Decries Materialism

issue 4430 | 07.22.08 | American Voices

During a visit to Australia, Pope Benedict XVI spoke out against the "sense of despair" that accompanies material prosperity. What do you... more»
'The Dark Knight' Tops Box Office

issue 4430 | 07.21.08 | American Voices

The latest installment of the Batman franchise opened at No. 1 in the box office this weekend. What do you think? more»
Last Vestige Of Manhood Gently Exhaled During Yoga Class

issue 4430 | 08.04.08 | Radio
President Bush Disappointed Chinese Foreign Minister Doesn't Know Karate

issue 4430 | 08.03.08 | Radio
Rules Grammar Change

issue 4430 | 08.02.08 | Radio
Hawaiian Family Enjoys Great Vacation In Dayton, OH

issue 4430 | 08.01.08 | Radio
Area Man Never Met Cardboard Box He Couldn't Flatten

issue 4430 | 07.31.08 | Radio
Mysterious Zipper Spotted On Back Of McCain's Neck

issue 4430 | 07.30.08 | Radio
PowerBar Introduces New WaterBar For Thirsty People On The Go

issue 4430 | 07.29.08 | Radio
Depressed Tornado Hangs Out Alone In Corner Of State

issue 4430 | 07.28.08 | Radio
Procter & Gamble Introduces Home Menstruation Test

issue 4430 | 07.27.08 | Radio
134-Year-Old Man Attributes Longevity To Typographical Error

issue 4430 | 07.26.08 | Radio
U.S. Trades Alito To British Supreme Court In Six-Judge Deal

issue 4430 | 07.25.08 | Radio
Hewlett-Packard Introduces New Soup-Resistant Laptop

issue 4430 | 07.24.08 | Radio
Angry FCC Fudging Tired Of All This Sugar

issue 4430 | 07.23.08 | Radio
Blackwater Security Hired To Protect U.S. Climate

issue 4430 | 07.22.08 | Radio
Editorial Cartoon - July 21, 2008

issue 4430 | 07.21.08 | Editorial Cartoon
Unemployed Bob Barker Spends Morning Watching 'Price Is Right'

issue 4430 | 07.22.08 | News In Photos
How Come No One Celebrates My Alcoholism Like John Cheever's?

issue 4430 | 07.23.08 | Commentary

You know, seminal American author John Cheever and I have a lot in common. He needed to drink a fifth of scotch before he had the courage to... more»
Point/Counterpoint: Point/Counterpoint:

issue 4430 | 07.23.08 | Point-Counterpoint

When I walk into the office on Monday, the guys always ask me what I did over the weekend, and my answer is always the same: I played laser... more»
Your Horoscope

issue 4430 | 07.22.08 | Horoscopes
New 'X-Files' Movie Opens

issue 4430 | 07.23.08 | Infographic

Six years after it went off the air, The X-Files is back in a new feature-length film titled The X-Files: I... more»
How Are We Self-Medicating?

issue 4430 | 07.23.08 | Statshot
Chef Cooks 'Dream Omelet' From Recipe That Came To Him In A Dream

issue 4430 | 07.23.08 | Video

Today Now! shares a delicious omelet recipe you can make at home with just a few simple and surreal ingredients. more»
Domino's Scientists Test Limits Of What Humans Will Eat

issue 4430 | 07.21.08 | Video

Despite ethical concerns about testing on humans, researchers say their work was necessary to determine the boundary between garbage and food. more»
The Week In Review

issue 4430 | 07.29.08 | Slideshow
The Mideast Conflict

issue 4430 | 07.18.08 | Slideshow
We Falsely Accuse Shia Lebeouf Of Statutory Rape

issue 4430 | 07.25.08 | Sunday Magazine
Placido Polanco Chokes Up All The Way

issue 4430 | 07.24.08 | Photo Finish
Water Park Unveils New 'Ambitious River'

issue 4430 | 07.21.08 | Newswire
Report: Every Goddamn Light In The House On

issue 4430 | 07.21.08 | Newswire
Single Mother Asked Where Daddies Come From

issue 4430 | 07.21.08 | Newswire
McCain Loses Campaign Trail In North Dakota

issue 4430 | 07.21.08 | Newswire