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August 23, 2008 - August 29, 2008 | Issue 44•34

CDC Powerless To Stop Spread Of Virulent Mayonnaise-Borne Pathogen

ATLANTA—Officials at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention announced Tuesday that despite continued efforts to halt the multistate outbreak of an intensely noxious,...

Superintendent Draws Up 'Dream School Board' Of All-Time Greats

issue 4434 | 08.23.08 | News

BROWNSVILLE, IN—Peter Geyer passed on legend Frank Caldwell, saying his reputation was more based on mystique when his plane crashed after only... more»
Aaron Sorkin Announces New 'West Wing' Animated Series At SorCon

issue 4434 | 08.22.08 | News

SAN DIEGO—The new series will provide die-hard "Sorkies" with extended 40-minute walk-and-talks, faster dialogue, and a cast of over 70 main... more»
Basketball Rolls To Stop At Cheney's Foot

issue 4434 | 08.20.08 | News

NEW YORK—Mere seconds after a hotly contested rebound during a game between the vice president's biggest on-court rivals, a mishandled... more»
Bush Told To Sign Birthday Treaty For Someone Named 'Kyoto'

issue 4434 | 08.22.08 | News In Brief

WASHINGTON—Enlisted by members of the House and Senate, presidential aide Rebecca Tandy brought a copy of the international... more»
Family Comes First, Reports Man Trying To Get Out Of Work

issue 4434 | 08.20.08 | News In Brief

EDINA, MN—Frank Noller, married father of two and advertising copywriter for Harton & North, extolled the virtues of family and... more»
Area Woman Will See Any Movie That Takes Place Between 1743 And 1919

issue 4434 | 08.20.08 | News In Brief

JEFFERSON TOWNSHIP, NJ—-Veterinary assistant Lauren Millardi, 27, will watch any period film set within a strict historical time frame... more»
Powerful 'His And Hers' Towel Lobby Stalls Gay Marriage Legislation

issue 4434 | 08.19.08 | News In Brief

WASHINGTON—Gay rights activists protested the defeat of bill S. 743 Monday, saying that the proposed legislation giving homosexuals... more»
Cop Vows To Hunt Down Punk Who Successfully Pressed Brutality Charges Against His Partner

issue 4434 | 08.18.08 | News In Brief

DETROIT—Christopher O'Dell, a 16-year veteran of the Detroit Police Department, told reporters Monday that he will not rest until he... more»
Michael Phelps Returns To His Tank At Sea World

issue 4434 | 08.21.08 | Sports News

ORLANDO—Fourteen-time Olympic gold medalist and SeaWorld main attraction Michael Phelps returned to his seven-million-gallon water tank... more»
College Presidents Rethinking Drinking Age

issue 4434 | 08.22.08 | American Voices

A group of 104 college and university presidents has signed a statement that suggests the minimum drinking age of 21 encourages a culture of... more»
Bigfoot Corpse A Fraud

issue 4434 | 08.21.08 | American Voices

Members of Searching For Bigfoot, Inc. said they had been tricked into buying a fake sasquatch body from an ex-policeman. What do you think? more»
Granite Countertops May Contain Uranium

issue 4434 | 08.20.08 | American Voices

Many homeowners are having to remove their new countertops because the granite in them has been found to emit hazardous levels of radon. What do... more»
Julia Child A Spy?

issue 4434 | 08.19.08 | American Voices

According to newly released documents, chef Julia Child worked for the Office of Strategic Services, a U.S. spy agency, during World War II. What... more»
Dutch Anti-Defamation League Closes

issue 4434 | 08.24.08 | Radio
Absent-Minded Professor Says Cure For Cancer 'Around Here Somewhere'

issue 4434 | 08.23.08 | Radio
North Korean Olympic Team Forced To Share Single, Grey Jumpsuit

issue 4434 | 08.22.08 | Radio
Executive's Child Makes Unsolicited Bid For Affection

issue 4434 | 08.21.08 | Radio
China Bans Release Of Carbon Dioxide By Citizens

issue 4434 | 08.20.08 | Radio
Psychological Evaluation Eaten

issue 4434 | 08.19.08 | Radio
Editorial Cartoon - August 18, 2008

issue 4434 | 08.18.08 | Editorial Cartoon
Unmanned Military Drone Briefly Grasps Senselessness Of War

issue 4434 | 08.20.08 | News In Photos
King Of Comedy’s Death Ignites 100-Year War For Throne

issue 4434 | 08.19.08 | News In Photos
Oh, No! Dirt Bikes!

issue 4434 | 08.20.08 | Commentary

Ah, isn't summer just wonderful? Why, I could lay here all day, surrounded by my little forest friends, and never... more»
Darling, There's Something I've Been Hiding From You—I'm Jimmy Buffett

issue 4434 | 08.20.08 | Commentary

Darling, I know we've been together for over 30 years, and we've always promised that we would never keep any secrets from each other. But I... more»
Your Horoscope

issue 4434 | 08.19.08 | Horoscopes
Chinese Doctoring Public Perception During Olympics

issue 4434 | 08.20.08 | Infographic

In the opening ceremony for the 2008 Olympics, the Chinese digitally enhanced a fireworks display and replaced a 7-year-old singing girl with... more»
Least Popular Honky-Tonk Songs

issue 4434 | 08.20.08 | Statshot
Californians Gather To Celebrate Annual Wildfire Tradition

issue 4434 | 08.20.08 | Video

Residents took part in rituals like picking through the charred remains of their homes and feigning shock that this could happen to them. more»
Latest Poll Reveals 430 New Demographics That Will Decide Election

issue 4434 | 08.18.08 | Video

A recent election poll indicates vegan independents and skydiving widowers are among the groups that will have a major impact in November. more»
War & Violence

issue 4434 | 08.26.08 | Slideshow
Cheney On The Court

issue 4434 | 08.12.08 | Slideshow
The Jonas Brothers: We Find Out How Long They Can Last Without Oxygen

issue 4434 | 08.22.08 | Sunday Magazine
New Fencing Suit May Give Competitors Unfair Advantage

issue 4434 | 08.21.08 | Photo Finish
Man Even Sore From Half-Assing It

issue 4434 | 08.19.08 | Newswire
Worst Running-Out-Of-French-Toast Fears Realized

issue 4434 | 08.19.08 | Newswire
Man Turns To BBC To Get A Different Spelling On The News

issue 4434 | 08.19.08 | Newswire
Area Mom On Phone From Costco, Wants To Know Your Pant Size

issue 4434 | 08.19.08 | Newswire