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September 27, 2008 - October 3, 2008 | Issue 44•39

Man Succumbs To 7-Year Battle With Health Insurance

DENVER—After years of battling crippling premiums and agonizing deductibles, local resident Michael Haige finally succumbed this week to the health insurance policy that had ravaged his adult...

Wealthy Teen Nearly Experiences Consequence

issue 4439 | 09.27.08 | News

SOMERSET, NJ—"It’s frightening to think I was so close to learning how society works outside the protected sphere of wealth and privilege,"... more»
Department Of The Exterior Opens U.S. National Park In Norway

issue 4439 | 09.26.08 | News

WASHINGTON—Formed in the mid-1800s, the DOE is dedicated to securing federally protected status for vast tracts of land overseas for use as... more»
'Boring,' Hillary Clinton Shouts From Senate Seat

issue 4439 | 09.24.08 | News

WASHINGTON—"Whoop-de-doo," stated the former presidential candidate, twirling her right index finger when Sen. Ted Kennedy (D-MA) appeared on... more»
Internet Explorer Makes Desperate Overture To Become Default Browser

issue 4439 | 09.26.08 | News In Brief

NASHVILLE, TN—After months of futile entreaties to upgrade to its latest version, web browser Internet Explorer made a last-ditch... more»
New Debate Rules Allow For One 15-Second Strangulation

issue 4439 | 09.25.08 | News In Brief

OXFORD, MS—Amid discussions of possibly postponing the debate altogether, Sens. Barack Obama (D-IL) and John McCain (R-AZ) were able... more»
Nation Secretly Hoping 9/11 Becomes A Day Off Soon

issue 4439 | 09.25.08 | News In Brief

WASHINGTON—After spending another anniversary of the 2001 terrorist attacks at work, many across the country have begun to secretly... more»
Kissinger Instructs Palin On Finer Points Of Clandestine Carpet Bombing

issue 4439 | 09.24.08 | News In Brief

WASHINGTON—In preparation for her debate with Sen. Joe Biden next week, Republican vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin met with... more»
Local Extension Cord Blasted For Failing To Reach Outlet

issue 4439 | 09.24.08 | News In Brief

STILSON, GA—A local extension cord came under fire Monday when the four-foot length of electrical wiring failed to stretch from the end... more»
Another Disgusting Operation Proves John McCain Is Healthy

issue 4439 | 09.23.08 | News In Brief

SCOTTSDALE, AZ—In an act designed to completely reassure voters about his health, presidential candidate John McCain checked himself... more»
Audio Guide Clearly Hates Degas

issue 4439 | 09.23.08 | News In Brief

LOS ANGELES—According to museumgoers at Los Angeles' Getty Center, an automated audio guide for the 19th-century Impressionism art... more»
McCain Campaign Nabs Top Obama Pun Writer

issue 4439 | 09.22.08 | News In Brief

ARLINGTON, VA—In what is being called a major coup for the Republican nominee, the campaign of Sen. John McCain has recruited rival... more»
Cash-Strapped NPR Launches 'A Couple Things Considered'

issue 4439 | 09.22.08 | News In Brief

WASHINGTON—Facing major cutbacks, National Public Radio has been forced to retool and relaunch its popular program All Things... more»
Struggling Mets Combine To Form Carlos Voltron

issue 4439 | 09.25.08 | Sports News

NEW YORK—Facing the Cubs in the midst of a three-game losing streak, the desperate Mets sprinted out to the field Tuesday, launched... more»
New Moore Doc Released On Internet

issue 4439 | 09.26.08 | American Voices

Slacker Uprising, filmmaker Michael Moore's new documentary about his 2004 tour, was released for free on the Internet on Tuesday. What do... more»
Palin Meets First Foreign Leaders

issue 4439 | 09.25.08 | American Voices

Vice presidential candidate Gov. Sarah Palin met with a series of world leaders as a sort of crash course on foreign policy. What do you... more»
Equal Opportunity Supporters Paid Less

issue 4439 | 09.24.08 | American Voices

A new study shows that men who adhere to a traditional mind-set about gender roles are paid more than men who are more egalitarian. What do... more»
Obama Staff Pulled From North Dakota

issue 4439 | 09.23.08 | American Voices

The Obama campaign is pulling its 50 staffers from North Dakota in order to deploy them in the battleground states of Wisconsin and Minnesota. What... more»
Gov. Palin's E-Mail Hacked

issue 4439 | 09.22.08 | American Voices

The son of a Tennessee state representative hacked into Gov. Sarah Palin's Yahoo! e-mail account. What do you think? more»
Richard Branson Purchases Remainder Of North Pole

issue 4439 | 10.02.08 | Radio
Police Ferret Curled Up On Evidence

issue 4439 | 09.29.08 | Radio
Vast Array Of Lip Balm Options Paralyzes Area Shopper

issue 4439 | 09.28.08 | Radio
Nation In Love With Girl From Record Store

issue 4439 | 09.27.08 | Radio
McCain Puts Father-Son Junkyard Business Into Blind Trust

issue 4439 | 09.26.08 | Radio
Janis Joplin's Spirit Found Dead Of Another Drug Overdose

issue 4439 | 09.25.08 | Radio
Bakery Held Hostage By Child Picking Out Donuts

issue 4439 | 09.24.08 | Radio
City Places Orange Traffic Cones Around Space-Time Portal

issue 4439 | 09.23.08 | Radio
Tim Robbins Tired Of Being Typecast As Relatively Tall Characters

issue 4439 | 09.24.08 | News In Photos
That Cheesecake Sitting On The Table: What If It Accidentally Fell Into Your Mouth?

issue 4439 | 09.23.08 | News In Photos
Why Will No-One Take My Idea For The Tele-Vision Seriously?

issue 4439 | 10.05.08 | Commentary

Ex-Tractus from a Letter, by one Ben'j Franklin, Dilettante, Meddler In Affairs Foreign & Domestick, late of PHILADELPHIA,... more»
Bands Don't Ever All Get The Same Haircut Anymore

issue 4439 | 09.26.08 | Commentary

There's nothing quite like a rock concert. I remember how exciting it was to sit in a packed stadium, watching four or five young men with... more»
Point/Counterpoint: Point/Counterpoint: Point/Counterpoint: Gov. Palin Has No Experience vs. Please Keep Your Voice Down, My Poor Retarded Child Is Sleeping

issue 4439 | 09.24.08 | Point-Counterpoint

There may be no better word to describe John McCain's vice presidential pick than "ridiculous." After months of criticizing Sen.... more»
Your Horoscope

issue 4439 | 09.23.08 | Horoscopes
Plans For 9/11 Museum Revealed

issue 4439 | 09.22.08 | Infographic

After four years of work, architect Craig Dykers has revealed his plans for the 9/11 museum to built on the former site of the World Trade Center. ... more»
Top Luxury Magazines

issue 4439 | 09.24.08 | Statshot
Yankees Building New Vacation Stadium In The Hamptons

issue 4439 | 09.25.08 | Video

The new facility will be an intimate beachfront stadium where the Yankees can go to get away from the hustle and bustle of New York City. more»
McCain’s Economic Plan For Nation: 'Everyone Marry A Beer Heiress'

issue 4439 | 09.22.08 | Video

McCain pointed to his personal success in marrying a wealthy beer heiress to prove how the plan could benefit every American. more»
The Bush White House

issue 4439 | 09.30.08 | Slideshow
Are Staring Contests Prematurely Drying Our Children's Eyes?

issue 4439 | 09.26.08 | Sunday Magazine
Yogi Berra On Final Game At Yankee Stadium: ‘Where Am I?’

issue 4439 | 09.25.08 | Photo Finish
Grammar Police Accused Of Racial Profiling

issue 4439 | 09.23.08 | Newswire
Everyone In Bar Hates Bar

issue 4439 | 09.23.08 | Newswire
Homecoming Date Greeted With Slide Down Banister

issue 4439 | 09.23.08 | Newswire
Thirty Seconds Put On The Clock

issue 4439 | 09.23.08 | Newswire