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C.C. Sabathia, Prince Fielder Keep Imagining Each Other As Giant Talking Hot Dog, Hamburger

Burger Hotdog

07.24.08 | MILWAUKEE

The Brewers' playoff push has run afoul of an unusual distraction, as sources close to the organization confirm that newly acquired husky starting pitcher... more

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From the Print Edition

Racehorse Shows Up For Season 450 Pounds Overweight

05.15.2008
Injured Player Gives Thumbs-Down While Being Carted Off Field

09.18.2008
Angry Jim Leyland's Mustache Keeps Falling Off While Yelling At Team

07.17.2008
Phil Simms Mistaken For Life-Sized Cardboard Cutout Of Phil Simms

01.09.2008
Mr. Met Takes Frustrations Out On Fans

10.02.2008
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Editorial Cartoon
December 22, 2008

12.22.2008
From the Print Edition

C.C. Sabathia's Paunch Undulates Hypnotically In Cool Spring Breeze

04.03.2008
40,000 Revenge-Seeking Bats Descend Upon Manu Ginobili

11.05.2009
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11.04.2009
TV Listings

Elder Whisperer

CBS

8 p.m. EST/7 p.m. CST

Nina Jerome (Keri Russell) possesses the preternatural ability to pay attention to senior citizens and actually listen to what they have to say.

11.08.2009
Weddings

Despite his director's wishes, this morning screenwriter John Scarpello, 31, was married to the use of the main character's car as a metaphor for life.

11.07.2009
Letters to the Editor

Dear The Onion,

Enjoy OUTRAGEOUS autumn deals at The Smog Doctor! Take $10 off your State of California Smog Inspection during our SMOGTOBERFEST blowout! Remember: If you catch YOUR CAR smoking, then come see the Doctor!

—The Smog Doctor, Santa Clarita, CA

11.07.2009
From the Print Edition

Sexualized Octogenarian Flapper Girl Still Earning Living For Someone

11.07.2009
Weddings

Max Meyer and Abigail Crenshaw are proud to announce they will be married in the beautiful church they could only reserve after a year of attending mass and pretending to be Catholic.

11.05.2009
TV Listings

Hannah Montana

DISNEY

7:30 p.m. EST/6:30 p.m. CST

When Miley Cyrus adopts the identity of a cockney chimney sweep, her multiple personality disorder finally begins to spiral out of control.

11.06.2009
TV Listings

The Pizza Hut Legal Drama

CBS

9 p.m. EST/8 p.m. CST

Don't bitch to us; you're the one who TiVo-ed past all the ads.

11.04.2009
Letters to the Editor

Dear The Onion,

Thanks for keeping the whole DUI/stripper incident on the DL and off the front page. I owe you one.

—J. Biden, Washington, D.C.

11.04.2009
Weddings

Miriam Kutz and Rodger Juniper have the same weird blood type, so it sort of makes sense for them to get married.

11.03.2009

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