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June 13, 2009 - June 19, 2009 | Issue 45•24

New Terminator Movie Brings J.D. Salinger Out Of Hiding

CORNISH, NH—Famed literary giant and notorious recluse J.D. Salinger, who has not published any new work since 1965, came out of hiding Monday to gush about the new film Terminator Salvation, offering the world its first glimpse into his private life since his last interview nearly 30 years ago. "I believe that a writer's privacy is among his most precious posses...

Middle-Age Center Provides Safe, Positive Place For Fortysomethings To Go After Work

issue 4524 | 06.13.09 | News

OMAHA, NE—Daniel Harger, the program's director, offers special attention for latchkey adults—those who come home to an empty house after... more»
Underfunded Scientists Force Lipstick-Covered Rat With Cancer To Run Through Maze

issue 4524 | 06.12.09 | News

SONOMA, CA—The lab's shoestring budget, which forces scientists to conduct experiments in the facility's kitchenette, has inspired... more»
Michelle Obama's Arms Meet With Sri Lankan Refugees

issue 4524 | 06.09.09 | News

VAVUNIYA, SRI LANKA—Refugees said they were awed by the dignity and grace of the limbs, lauding the lack of "bat-wing fat" that plagues so many... more»
Machiavellian White House Groundskeeper Gaining Influence Among West Wing Staff

issue 4524 | 06.12.09 | News In Brief

WASHINGTON—In one of the most startling horticultural power plays to strike the executive branch in years, conniving groundskeeper Irv... more»
Bee Stuck Between Screen Door, Front Door Going Fucking Nuts

issue 4524 | 06.11.09 | News In Brief

HUNTSVILE, AL—Users of the front door at 1418 Sycamore Avenue report the appearance of a common bumblebee ricocheting back and forth... more»
Elderly Man Skipping Work Uses 'Dead Grandson' Excuse Again

issue 4524 | 06.10.09 | News In Brief

SARATOGA, FL—Arousing the suspicions of his boss, senior fry-cook Harold Mason, 72, cited the death of yet another grandchild in order... more»
Mom Really Funny Today

issue 4524 | 06.09.09 | News In Brief

KENSINGTON, MD—Local teens James Ripley, 17, and David Ripley, 14, expressed surprise today when their mother, 47-year-old Cynthia... more»
17-Year-Old Thinks She's Getting Into Photography

issue 4524 | 06.08.09 | News In Brief

EUGENE, OR—After wasting an afternoon taking pictures of a broken tricycle, moss on trees, and the shadow of a wrought-iron fence,... more»
Abortion Doctor's Murder Sparks Waves Of Calm, Rational Discussion

issue 4524 | 06.05.09 | News In Brief

WICHITA, KS—The cold-blooded murder of late-term abortion doctor George Tiller, 67, who was gunned down last week by a pro-life... more»
Nation Desperately Seeks Sportswriters' Opinions On Kobe Bryant

issue 4524 | 06.11.09 | Sports News

LOS ANGELES—As Kobe Bryant leads the Lakers against the Magic in the NBA Finals, fans are seeking the expert views of top sportswriters for... more»
Miss California Loses Crown

issue 4524 | 06.12.09 | American Voices

Controversial Miss California Carrie Prejean lost her title for contract violations that included missing official pageant events. What do... more»
FDA To Regulate Tobacco

issue 4524 | 06.11.09 | American Voices

The Senate passed a bill that would allow the Food and Drug Administration to regulate the sale of cigarettes and would prohibit the use of terms... more»
More People Committing Insurance Fraud

issue 4524 | 06.10.09 | American Voices

According to the National Insurance Crime Bureau, suspicious vehicle fires are up 27 percent, staged car accidents are up 34 percent, and... more»
'Billy Elliot' Wins 10 Tonys

issue 4524 | 06.09.09 | American Voices

With 10 awards, the musical of the film Billy Elliot dominated the 63rd Tony Awards. What do you think? more»
Palm Pre Released

issue 4524 | 06.08.09 | American Voices

Dubbed by some as "the iPhone killer," Palm released its Sprint-exclusive touch-screen phone, the Pre on Saturday. What do you think? more»
Health-Conscious State Fair To Offer Steamed Twinkies

issue 4524 | 06.14.09 | Radio
Meat Shelf Breaks Free Of Iowa

issue 4524 | 06.13.09 | Radio
35 Years Of Manhood Summoned To Open Tight Bottle Cap

issue 4524 | 06.12.09 | Radio
Honest Pizza Place Admits To Making 19th Best Pizza

issue 4524 | 06.11.09 | Radio
Son Remembers Time When It Was Father Throwing Him In The Air

issue 4524 | 06.10.09 | Radio
Neighbor Report Calls Them Walker Boys No Damn Good

issue 4524 | 06.09.09 | Radio
Russia Takes Control Of Struggling Burger King Chain

issue 4524 | 06.08.09 | Radio
Editorial Cartoon - June 8, 2009

issue 4524 | 06.08.09 | Editorial Cartoon
White Castle Bathroom Stall Celebrates 5th Conception

issue 4524 | 06.13.09 | News In Photos
New Film Only Stars One Eddie Murphy

issue 4524 | 06.10.09 | News In Photos
Bored Predator Drone Pumps A Few Rounds Into Mountain Goat

issue 4524 | 06.09.09 | News In Photos
This Space Camp Looks A Lot Like Fat Camp

issue 4524 | 06.11.09 | Commentary

Wow. I can't believe I'm really here. When I told my parents that I wanted to go to space camp, I never thought they'd actually agree.... more»
But If We Started Dating It Would Ruin Our Friendship Where I Ask You To Do Things And You Do Them

issue 4524 | 06.09.09 | Commentary

I really like you. I do. You're so nice, and sweet, and you listen to all my problems and respond with the appropriate compliments. But, well,... more»
Your Horoscopes

issue 4524 | 06.09.09 | Horoscopes
Landmark Gay Rights Cases

issue 4524 | 06.09.09 | Infographic

With New Hampshire becoming the sixth state to legalize same-sex marriage, gay rights have come a long way in the past 100 years. Here are... more»
Gay Icons In History

issue 4524 | 06.10.09 | Statshot
Congressman Demands To Know Who Left Fish Sandwich To Rot On House Floor

issue 4524 | 06.11.09 | Video

Rep. McCullough cannot even fathom the amount of contempt you'd have to hold for Congress, the American people to do something so inconsiderate. more»
Obama Drastically Scales Back Goals For America After Visiting Denny's

issue 4524 | 06.08.09 | Video

Obama will abandon complex policies on emissions, clean coal and refocus on achievable goals like applying deodorant daily, learning what to say when... more»
The Week In Review

issue 4524 | 06.09.09 | Slideshow
Ants

issue 4524 | 06.12.09 | Sunday Magazine
Jack Nicholson Enjoying New Center Court Seats

issue 4524 | 06.11.09 | Photo Finish
Pregnancy Makes Wedding Dress Too Small For Prom

issue 4524 | 06.12.09 | Newswire
Joe Biden Emboldened By Online IQ Score

issue 4524 | 06.10.09 | Newswire
Complaint About Food Prefaced By Exoneration Of Waitress

issue 4524 | 06.10.09 | Newswire
Master Of Ceremonies Clearly Dating Next Performer

issue 4524 | 06.08.09 | Newswire