California Restaurant Busted For Serving Whale
"I don't get it, what's wrong? Did it taste bad or something?"
Couple Of Cool Guys Just Hanging Out
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Authorities Investigating Suicide Determine Victim Really Went For It
HAVERFORD, PA—Officials investigating the tragic suicide of local man Thomas Ingraham told reporters Tuesday they have determined that the 29-year-old really went full-on balls-to-the-wall....
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Universe Comes To Halt As Kid Flips Through First Shark Book
SPRINGDALE, AR—The dynamic processes by which matter and energy function in the physical world ground to a halt Thursday night as 7-year-old Troy Benton paged through his first fully...
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Girl Welcomed To Womanhood With 4-Page Pamphlet
CLEARWATER, KS—Sitting alone in the school nurse's office, local student Vanessa McMillan, 12, was welcomed to the most beautiful and special time in her life Tuesday by a four-page...
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Autistic Child Ruins Marriage He Was Born To Save
HOUSTON—With the challenges accompanying his developmental disorder widening the already vast gulf between his parents, autistic child Evan Thomas, 3, continued this week to destroy the...
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Houseguest Just Going To Lie There Until Rest Of House Wakes Up
SAN DIEGO—Houseguest Kevin Keegan announced Sunday morning that, despite being totally awake, he nonetheless intends to remain on the living room couch he slept on last night until one or...
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9-Pound Infant Barrels Way Down Birth Canal
IDAHO SPRINGS, CO—Described by medical personnel as "a real whopper," a 9-pound infant came hurtling down the birth canal of 27-year-old Jennifer Pischke like a bat out of hell Monday. "Fire...
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Area Dad Suffers Massive Nothing To Worry About
STEVENS POINT, WI—In a no big deal that barely even took place, area factory worker and father of four Walt Koepke suffered a massive nothing to worry about late Thursday afternoon....
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Wal-Mart Shoppers Mocked By Target Shopper
OKLAHOMA CITY—Local shopper Craig Klein took a moment to mock a group of patrons in the parking lot of a local Wal-Mart during his drive Thursday to the Target on the other side of the...
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Unsung Heroes
During the middle of a violent cough on a crowded bus, Caitlin Woodruff decided to turn and cough on the guy who looked most like a child molester.
Weddings
Reed Jefferson married his high school sweetheart, Morgan Linley, on Saturday. They met four years ago, when he was a shop teacher and she was in ninth grade.
Obituaries
The political joke that 31-year-old Will Arnold had been waiting all day to tell his colleagues absolutely died in the break room shortly after 3 p.m.
Community Calendar
Feb, 23, 8 p.m.
Bowling Sunday has been moved to Bowling Tuesday. If unable to make it Tuesday, participants should feel free to go on Sunday. The shoes will cost money that day, however.
