Statue Of Liberty's Crown Reopening
"Lady Liberty is our greatest symbol for freedom, so hopefully they’ll have rigorous racial profiling to ensure her safety."
Awful Man Offers Witty, Acerbic Take On Everything He Sees
Suspected Homosexuals
Maggie Bowler, 23, has remained unmoved by the romantic prowess of three laborers on the West 47th Street construction site, though it has not been ruled out that she's just too stuck up to see what's good for her.
Great Escapes
Real Gypsies In Bangor, Maine!
The caravan is supposed to be in town Aug. 12–14. Come get your fortune told and watch at the grocery store as they steal packages of hamburger and two of them start a disturbance with the manager.
Weddings
Gornok, Ruler of the Underworld, was wed to Lillania, Queen of the Damned. The groom's family hopes this union will fulfill the prophecies and usher in an era of darkness forevermore.
Obituaries
Dennis Leahy, 17, died Tuesday after falling into a ditch, which was exactly where his mother worried he would pass away.
