Immigration At Highest In 80 Years
"Fortunately, the fact that one in four people is a jingoistic nut job helps even things out."
Nation In Frenzy About Little Wizard Boy And All His Little Wizard Friends
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2007 Holiday Cheer Brought To You By Toyota
NEW YORK—In one of the largest marketing coups in recent years, holiday cheer—the intangible spirit of goodwill towards man, peace on Earth, and warmth in the hearts of all—will...
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U.S. Breath Reaches All-Time Worst
WASHINGTON—Responding to a foul stench emanating from the mouths of Americans nationwide, officials from the U.S. Department of Breath and Human Services issued an emergency announcement...
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Conservation Group Condemns Waterboarding As Wasteful
WASHINGTON—National Water Watch, a Washington-based conservation group, criticized the government's use of waterboarding Monday, calling the practice of stuffing a cloth into a...
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Man Finally Put In Charge Of Struggling Feminist Movement
WASHINGTON—After decades spent battling gender discrimination and inequality in the workplace, the feminist movement underwent a high-level shake-up last month, when 53-year-old management...
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CIA: America May Have An Unknown Number Of Secret Admirers
WASHINGTON—In testimony before a special panel on domestic safety Tuesday, officials at the Central Intelligence Agency revealed that the U.S. may have anywhere between one and three...
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Entire Blogosphere Stunned By Blogger's Special Weekend Post
NEW YORK—In what is being called a seminal moment in Internet history, a rare weekend post by 25-year-old blogger Ben Tiedemann on his website bentiedemanntellsall.blogspot.com rocked the 50...
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Proposed Bill Would Bring 4,000 Troops Back To Life
WASHINGTON—With more American military casualties in 2007 than any year since the war began, a bipartisan group of House representatives introduced a bill Monday that calls for nearly 4,000...
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Fall Canceled After 3 Billion Seasons
WASHINGTON, DC—Fall, the long- running series of shorter days and cooler nights, was canceled earlier this week after nearly 3 billion seasons on Earth, sources reported...
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