Drunken Paul Byrd Watching Major League II Right Now

November 1, 2007 | | Onion Sports

CLEVELAND—Paul Byrd is currently lying prostrate on his living room couch in the dark, surrounded by a stack of empty beer cans and watching the film Major League II, reported sources close to the Indians pitcher. "Come on, Wild Thing, get… take off that business suit and get your goddamn head back in the game," Byrd was overheard as saying several minutes ago, moments before hurling a beer bottle at his TV screen. "Your team needs you, don't you want to go to the World Series, you stupid son of a… Aw, come on, blue, that was right over the plate! Fucking Parkman! We never shouldda got rid of Parkman. Let me call what-the-hell's-his face [Indians GM Mark Shapiro] right…yeah, right now. Gotta get Parkman back… Where's the phone?" Byrd proceeded to roll off the side of the couch and pass out.