Moving To New City To Solve All Of Area Man's Problems
ATLANTA—All of area resident Brian Shepard's problems, including his fear of commitment, lack of personal direction, and inability to learn from past failures, will be instantly solved this week when the 29-year-old packs up his belongings and moves to a new city. "Moving to Portland is going to make all the difference in the world," said Shepard, who, just by putting 2,500 miles distance between himself and years of destructive behavior, will suddenly turn his life around. "It won't be anything like Chicago, or Boston, or San Francisco. This is exactly what I need right now." Shepard also plans to completely eliminate his dependence on self-denial by ignoring his dependence on self-denial.
More News Briefs
- « Bill Clinton Agrees To Disclose... (December 4, 2008)
- Bush's Eyelid Accidentally Nailed To... » (December 8, 2008)
Recent News»
-
Wal-Mart Cuts Over 13,000 Of What It Calls Jobs
-
NASA Launches David Bowie Concept Mission
-
Father Still Has Complicated Series Of File Folders With Grown Son's Name On Them
-
Thoughtful Nation Questioning Whether Anyone Can Really 'Win' The Super Bowl
-
Alzheimer's Disease Causing Baby Boomers To Misremember 1960s Even More
-
Nation's Strangers Decry Negative Portrayal Among Children
-
Bald Eagle Tired Of Everyone Just Assuming It Supports War
-
Backpack Strategically Placed In Theft-Proof Corner Of Concert Hall Floor
