Nation Awaits Word On Today's Slam Dunks

Latest:

Dwayne Wade Wallet-Size-Picturizes Defender
Kate Hudson Cut To
ESPN.com Replaces Rumor Central With 'The Making Shit Up Zone'
Reuters Enthusiast Cole Aldrich Left Off Associated Press All-America Team
Steinbrenner's Heart Monitor Flatlines As Yankees Make Final Out Of World Series

April 11, 2001 | Issue 37•13 | Onion Sports

I'm Pretty Sure I'm Not The Fishing-Tackle Serial Killer 09.20.00
Olympic Runners Feeling Stupid For Cutting Off Legs Before Finding Out About Prosthetic Ban 01.17.08

BRISTOL, CT–As of press time, an anxious nation continues to wait for word on today's NBA slam dunks. "The moment we have any information on any dunks, we will pass it along to the American people," said Dan Patrick, speaking from ESPN's Bristol headquarters. "We do know that the Mavs and Hornets tip off at 3 p.m. EST, so hopefully sometime shortly after that, we'll know more." Patrick urged citizens to stay close to their televisions for the latest developments.