Obama Peddling Stimulus Package Door-To-Door

February 18, 2009 | Issue 45•08

HUTCHINSON, KS—In an effort to build support for his controversial economic recovery plan, President Obama set out across the country in a rented car Monday to peddle the $787 billion bailout door-to-door, administration sources reported. "Ma'am, if you'd permit me just a moment of your time, I'd like to talk to you today about a honey of a new stimulus package that's just arrived all the way from Washington, D.C.," the grinning president said in a front-porch sales pitch to local housewife Marilyn Fields, 49. "Why, yes, ma'am, this package here has got everything. It's handy, it's dandy, it's built to last, and if you can find a better plan for reviving our nation's stagnant economy this side of the Mississippi, then my name ain't Barack Hussein Obama." The president added that if the nation acts now, he'll throw in a "brand-new, state-of-the-art" farm subsidies bill, plus a four-year warranty and unlimited congressional oversight, absolutely free.