The Onion

Congress Revises 1997 Food-Crime Equivalency Ratings

August 19, 1997 | Issue 32•03

WASHINGTON, DC—Following through on a promise to get tough on food, Congress unveiled its revised, stricter 1997 food-crime equivalency ratings Monday.

Legislators from both parties hailed the new ratings as a step in the right direction.

"This revision is a major victory in the fight against food crime," U.S. Sen. Alfonse D'Amato (R-NY) said. "Under the new standards, meat is still murder, but many other foods now come with much harsher penalties as well."

"It's about time we started cracking down on food," Sen. Jeff Bingaman (D-NM) said. "After all, meat isn't the only crime."

Enlarge Image Congress Revises 1997 Food-Crime Equivalency Ratings

Congress Revises 1997 Food-Crime Equivalency Ratings


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