mobile edition

At the AV Club: Best Music Of The '00s

National

'Army Of One' Campaign Attracting Troubled Loners To Military

February 14, 2001 | Issue 37•05

WASHINGTON, DC–The Army's new "Army Of One" campaign is attracting millions of troubled loners, recruitment officials said Monday. "Historically, Army enlistees are creepy, antisocial drifters," said Sgt. Glenn Decinces of the Army's Recruitment Office. "After years of trying to attract stable, achievement-oriented young patriots with the slogan 'Be All You Can Be,' we finally gave up and decided to consciously go after the freakos we've always drawn."

Meet Other Onion Readers

more personals »