Time-Warner CEO Announces Plans To Merge With Secretary
05.07.97 | Issue 31•17
Eric Clapton Ossifies
05.14.97 | Issue 31•18
Baseball Season Rumored To Be Underway
Report: Voters May Have Tried To Influence '96 Election
04.30.97 | Issue 31•16
Actress Leaves Porn Past Behind With New Cinemax Erotic Thriller
07.22.98 | Issue 33•25
Grandma Told 'Do Not Resuscitate' Means 'Low-Sodium Diet'
08.28.02 | Issue 38•31
Empty Beer Bottle Released Into Wild
02.20.08 | Issue 44•08
Previous
Next
Oprah Viewers Patiently Awaiting Instructions
The Onion is not intended for readers under 18 years of age.
© Copyright 2009 Onion Inc. All rights reserved.
more personals »