The Onion

Affirmative Action Under Fire

January 29, 2003 | Issue 39•03

President Bush recently urged the Supreme Court to strike down the University of Michigan's affirmative-action program as unconstitutional. What do you think?

Black Man

Tom Edwards,
Systems Analyst
"Affirmative action unfairly keeps more qualified applicants out of college. Kind of like having a rich, politically connected daddy."

Old Man

Frank Krantz,
Architect
"Christ. NBC's A Different World wasn't enough, now they want to go to 'real' college, too?"

Old Woman

Marci Hoffler,
Homemaker
"I once met someone who says she lost a job because of affirmative action, and I've never met anyone who's benefitted, so I'm opposed."

Young Woman

Marla Simmons,
Student
"Why do those people act like we owe them something? Oh, right."

Young Man

Rich Skoldek,
Plumber
"I applaud Bush's hardline stand on this issue, as once a nigra get his head full-a learnin', he start up a-thinkin', an' then there ain't no keepin' him down no-how."

Asian Man

Dennis Dugan,
Cab Driver
"This is an extremely complex, emotionally charged issue, but one thing is clear: Condoleezza Rice's name is funny."

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