The Onion

Eliminating Stock-Dividend Taxes

January 22, 2003 | Issue 39•02

As part of his tax-cut plan, President Bush has proposed abolishing taxes on stock dividends—a move critics say primarily benefits the rich. What do you think?

Young Man

Marc Vargas,
Roofer
"Oh, thank God. I've dreamed of sending my child to college, but those dividend taxes were eating me alive."

Black Man

Ben Graham,
Systems Analyst
"A tax cut? With war looming and a projected federal budget deficit? Does Bush know the U.S. can't borrow from its dad?"

Old Man

Irwin Edwards,
Industrialist
"As a cash-fattened plutocrat, I require no more money. So to our president I say 'No, thank you' to these tax cuts."

Old Woman

Linda Oberst,
Teacher
"Maybe this will inspire America's poor to not be so poor all the time."

Young Woman

Marla Robichaud,
Dentist
"What's the problem here? If taxes are cut for the rich, that means they'll be able to tip more. There's just no pleasing some people."

Asian Man

Sam Hopkins,
File Clerk
"It makes sense. Those people making money on stock dividends didn't do any work, so why should they have to pay any taxes?"

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