The Onion

Iraq And The Nuclear Option

December 18, 2002 | Issue 38•47

Last week, President Bush said he would not rule out using nuclear weapons against enemies wielding weapons of mass destruction. What do you think?

Old Woman

Dana Klugh,
Homemaker
"Well, that seems like a pretty sensible policy that won't have any negative longterm repercussions among nuclear-capable nations already wary of the U.S."

Old Man

Don Swartz,
Systems
Analyst

"It's about time we had a president who's not afraid to step up to the plate and make the biggest mistake in the history of world civilization."

Young Man

Cris Porter,
Roofer
"He's bluffing. Bush could never bring himself to deliberately nuke that many oil fields."

Black Man

Carl Roberts,
Engineer
"That reminds me. I've got some leftover falafel I'm gonna go nuke for lunch. This is called 'displacement behavior.' It is not working."

Asian Man

Larry Golub,
Gardener
"It's like the late '80s all over again: A Bush threatening war, nuclear paranoia, me involved in a protracted legal battle over an alleged sex crime..."

Young Woman

Denise Traylor,
Graduate
Student

"You know the scariest thing about this whole situation? Me, neither. It's impossible to decide."

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