The Onion

Obesity On The Rise

October 23, 2002 | Issue 38•39

The National Center for Health Statistics recently announced that 64.5 percent of American adults are overweight or obese. What do you think?

Old Woman

Norine
Barrodale
,
Loan Clerk
"It's a sin to waste food, and America just happens to have 16 boxes of almost-expired Ding Dongs for every man, woman, and child."

Asian Man

Joseph Ortiz,
Machine
Operator

"If they knew the pain and humiliation of being obese, scientists wouldn't do these studies."

Young Man

Don Watson,
Paperhanger
"For your information, there are those who appreciate the curvy hips and ample breasts of a full-figured man, thank you very much."

Black Man

Dennis
Moreland
,
Systems
Analyst

"And with the insidious new alliance between Donald Trump and Grimace, it's only going to get worse."

Young Woman

Eve Huffman,
Optometrist
"This study buys into fascist media images about what is and isn't a leading cause of heart disease."

Old Man

Dana Harrison,
Radiation
Therapist

"The Clean Plate Club is big--bigger than anyone realizes. Look for a man named 'Boy-Ar-Dee.' There's your story."

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