The Onion

Can N. Korea Nukes Reach The U.S.?

February 19, 2003 | Issue 39•06

Last week, U.S. intelligence officials stated that North Korea has the technology to fire nuclear missiles at the West Coast. What do you think?

Young Woman

Jennifer Cotto,
Research Assistant
"It's about time the West Coast started carrying its fair share of the scared-shitless load."

Old Woman

Lisa Campbell,
Dietitian
"Big deal. There's, like, an 80 to 90 percent chance they won't even use those things."

Young Man

Rich Kingery,
Cab Driver
"Fuckin' Pyongyang."

Black Man

Tom Reynolds,
Systems Analyst
"North Korea has missiles that can reach the U.S.? We'd better get to work on developing some missiles of our own right away."

Asian Man

Ron Buhner,
Gardener
"I sincerely doubt they can reach us. My back scratcher was made in Korea, and the piece of crap can barely reach past my shoulder blades."

Old Man

Cris Langston,
Accountant
"As an American, I'm getting sick and tired of other countries."

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