The Onion

Canadian Immigration Under Fire

June 12, 2002 | Issue 38•22

Canada's relatively lax immigration policy has drawn criticism from U.S. leaders, who say the country provides an easy home base for terrorists. What do you think?

Young Woman

Iris Murphy,
Teacher
"I am suddenly very suspicious of my next-door neighbor, Khalid al-McKenzie."

Asian Man

Bill Hrabosky,
Cashier
"As a radical Islamic fundamentalist, I am seriously considering moving to Vancouver. It's sooo gorgeous there."

Young Man

Don Nahorodny,
Forklift Operator
"My God, we could go to war with Canada over this. I only pray there's an army platoon with the afternoon free."

Black Man

Louis Chambliss,
Systems Analyst
"Why would terrorists need to go through Canada to get to the U.S.? It's not like the FBI would catch them if they came straight here."

Old Man

Michael Horner,
Civic Planner
"Canada needs to start doing a better job of racial-profiling non-Inuits."

Old Woman

Penny Niekro,
Homemaker
"See, I told you socialized medicine doesn't work."

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