The Onion

Cardinal Law Under Fire

April 24, 2002 | Issue 38•15

Boston's Cardinal Law has been ordered to appear for a deposition to answer questions about his protection of a priest accused of sexual abuse. What do you think?

Asian Man

Fred Tillman,
Forklift Operator
"It's not like the cardinal molested the children. He just created an environment where it could continue unabated."

Black Man

Michael Polk,
Civil Engineer
"If nothing else, Cardinal Law is a great name for the TV movie that will inevitably be made about this."

Old Man

Max Allard,
Systems Analyst
"Just because a cardinal is in a position of power and trust doesn't mean we should hold him to the same standards of basic human decency as the rest of us."

Young Man

Ben Downing,
Contractor
"As long as these priests admit wrongdoing and ask for forgiveness, God will reward them in the afterlife with all the little boys they could want."

Old Woman

Dianne Weston,
Secretary
"These plaintiffs should ask themselves if justice is worth the risk of excommunication."

Young Woman

Irene Bell,
Student
"Jesus has absolved Cardinal Law of his sins. That's why I'm bringing a $100 million class-action suit against Jesus next week."

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