The Onion

The Human-Cloning Controversy

December 5, 2001 | Issue 37•44

Last week, scientists announced the first-ever cloning of a human embryo, which they hope to mine for stem cells to treat diseases. What do you think?

Old Woman

Carla Rayner,
Homemaker
"At last, the underpopulation crisis has found its magic bullet."

Young Woman

Leslie Jong,
Massage Therapist
"A whole population of identical-looking human beings? This chilling dystopian vision has already come to pass in the fall J. Crew catalog."

Young Man

Rich Stewart,
Auto Mechanic
"We don't need these cloned embryos takin' all the jobs away from regular embryos."

Old Man

Donald Scott,
Tax Attorney
"Scientists should not be allowed to play God. Brian Blessed would be much better."

Asian Man

Fred Gardner,
Cashier
"I've got a plan to create the world's first human-clone hybrid. Remember that sheep Dolly? I'm gonna fuck it."

Black Man

Peter Jordan,
Systems Analyst
"I think I'll just sit back and let the ignorant, hysterical Christians handle this one."

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