The Onion

Sept. 11 Charities Under Fire

November 28, 2001 | Issue 37•43

The Red Cross and other aid groups are under fire for giving only a portion of the billions that have poured in since Sept. 11 to the attacks' victims. What do you think?

Young Woman

Leslie Gottfried,
Sales Associate
"Hey, I felt great when I gave that money. Isn't that all that matters?"

Young Man

Andrew Dillon,
Tennis Pro
"See? That's why giving actual money to a charity is a bad idea. I donated 10 tennis lessons instead."

Asian Man

Don Matthius,
Office Manager
"I recently donated to a Sept. 11 online charity and was afraid the money wouldn't all go to the victims. But the folks at savinpeopleandshit.com assured me it would."

Old Woman

Barb Rocket,
Painter
"All I can say is, if the money I gave goes to some Indian kid orphaned by a monsoon instead of a Sept. 11 victim, I'm gonna be fuckin' pissed."

Old Man

Richard Risley,
Lawyer
"This is why I don't trust the Red Cross. From now on, anyone who needs blood can come straight to me."

Black Man

Marcus Murphy,
Systems Analyst
"Well, these vague accusations and rumors seal it: I'm never donating to a charity again."

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