The Onion

Could Osama Get The Bomb?

November 14, 2001 | Issue 37•41

Last week, President Bush disclosed that Osama bin Laden has been trying to acquire nuclear weapons. What do you think of the possibility?

Black Man

Larry Messick,
Systems Analyst
"Come on, how's a multi-millionaire with close ties to the world's most ruthless, amoral arms dealers gonna get his hands on a nuclear device?"

Young Man

Barry Frees,
Plumber
"If so, he missed his chance: The Emmys were a few weeks ago."

Young Woman

Kim Welker,
Speech Therapist
"Let me guess what's next: bin Laden has an asteroid the size of the moon, and he's aiming it straight at the Earth."

Asian Man

Dan Butler,
Landscaper
"Shit, we should be trying to find this guy."

Old Man

Ronald Foray,
Advertising Executive
"As a lifelong New Yorker, I must admit that central Kansas is not without a certain rustic, remote charm."

Old Woman

Lois Vanderpyl,
Architect
"What's this? I'm sorry, I stopped paying attention to the news about three weeks ago out of sheer psychological self-preservation."

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