The Onion

Is Oral Sex Sex?

December 13, 2000 | Issue 36•45

According to a recent USA Today cover story, oral sex is sharply on the rise among teenagers, many of whom do not consider it a form of sex. What do you think?

Young Man

Bernie Porter,
Locksmith
"That's a relief. Turns out I haven't been sexually abusing my son, after all."

Young Woman

Nina Hahn,
Occupational Therapist
"I was shocked to find that cunnilingus accounted for a full 1.3 percent of these oral-sex cases."

Old Man

Roger Blauvelt,
Systems Analyst
"This is just more of the usual conservative-Christian hysteria over teenagers swallowing miles of cock."

Black Man

Robert Hastings,
Teacher
"So is it wrong when I tell my students, 'Make love to me with your mouth'?"

Old Woman

Bernice Cole,
Medical Assistant
"These teens will believe anything the president goes on TV and says."

Asian Man

Leonard Doby,
Student
"As a teen math whiz, I can't say I've heard or seen anything about this."

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