The Onion

Youth Sports, Adult Violence

December 6, 2000 | Issue 36•44

The past year has seen a surge in adult violence at youth sporting events, including the beating death of a hockey coach by a player's father. What do you think?

Old Man

Marty Behr,
Systems Analyst
"Why are these grown men hitting each other? They should be hitting the kid who blew the game."

Old Woman

Joan Weitz,
Homemaker
"This parental aggression is spreading into other youth activities, as well. I took a knee to the kidney when my daughter forgot her Christmas-pageant lines."

Young Man

Damian Thomas,
Forklift Operator
"Hey, if you'd seen that ref's call, we'd have been fighting over the shotgun."

Black Man

Bob Bryson,
Sales Coordinator
"Ask me that question again. Go ahead. I fuckin' dare you, you fucking piece of shit."

Young Woman

Dina Sargento,
Social Worker
"I blame the cheerleaders. They're the ones stirring people to violence with that 'Be aggressive! B-E aggressive!' cheer."

Asian Man

Omar Husserl,
Glazier
"What better way to impart to our children the important life lesson, 'Do as I say, not as I do'?"

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