Ashcroft's Vague Warnings
U.S. Attorney General John Ashcroft has issued several vague warnings of "credible threats" of terrorism, urging Americans to stay on alert. What do you think?
Virginia Innes,
Teacher
"I applaud Ashcroft for his warnings. How else would I know when to be on alert for terrorist activity? Look—look how on-alert I am right now."
Brent Cleveland,
Doctor
"I thought Ashcroft's most recent warning of possible terrorist attacks was calm and controlled enough, if you ignored the dark, spreading stain on the front of his trousers."
Todd Booth,
Roofer
"So Ashcroft didn't specifically mention anything about the Golden Gate Bridge, five pounds of weapons-grade plutonium, or next Thursday afternoon? Cool."
Iris MacNaughton,
Graphic Designer
"Does Ashcroft know something we don't? What is it? Never mind, I don't want to know. Wait, yes, I do—tell me! Tell me now! No, don't! No! Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb..."
Henry Davidson,
Cashier
"Gee, the things Ashcroft says seem reasonable enough when they scroll across the bottom of the screen during Friends."
Christopher Adams,
Systems Analyst
"The whole damn country's been paranoid about terrorism ever since the whole damn country was devastated by terrorism."
