The Onion

The Subway Series

October 25, 2000 | Issue 36•38

For the first time in 44 years, baseball's World Series is a Subway Series, with the New York Mets and New York Yankees squaring off. What do you think of the all-Big Apple Fall Classic?

Young Woman

Danielle Coomes,
Graduate Student
"At long last, the eyes of the nation are finally on New York."

Old Woman

Maryellen Janus,
Linguist
"It'll be exciting to see which team's fans get to trash Times Square in victory rioting."

Old Man

Bill Anderson,
Stock Broker
"As an Upper East Side Yankee fan, I prefer to think of this as a Door-To-Door Car-Service Series."

Asian Man

Ray Loney,
File Clerk
"Know what would make this perfect? If there were some sort of hat or shirt that people excited about the series could buy and wear. Wait, wait–hear me out on this."

Black Man

Larry Boone,
Systems Analyst
"This is just the sort of thing that leads to epic, era-defining novels of the American experience by Don DeLillo."

Young Man

Victor Kritikos,
Trader
"I've been waiting years for this glorious event. What? No, I'm not a Met or Yankee fan. I'm a terrorist with a relatively small amount of plutonium."

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