The Onion

The Abortion Pill

October 4, 2000 | Issue 36•35

Last week, the FDA approved the controversial French abortion pill RU-486, permitting non-surgical abortions in the U.S. for the first time and sparking protest from pro-life advocates. What do you think?

Young Man

Patrick Klennert,
TV Repairman
"Now, hold on there. Isn't there a line in The Bible specifically prohibiting safe, non-invasive, affordable medical procedures for women?"

Old Man

Robert Ketcham,
Systems Analyst
"The Europeans have always been ahead of us culturally and philosophically. But we've finally caught up to them abortionally."

Young Woman

Liz Lathon,
Homemaker
"I just wish this pill had been available seven years ago. You hear that, Corey?"

Asian Man

Ronald Lee,
Food Vendor
"This abortion thing is getting out of control. Do you realize this planet is down to its last six billion people?"

Old Woman

Audra Fusco,
Occupational Therapist
"This drug will only encourage young kids to get hooked on the pain and trauma of abortion."

Black Man

Nate Thurman,
Bank Manager
"If women can deal with unwanted pregnancies safely without it destroying their lives, how are they ever going to learn?"

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