The Onion

The Dress-Code Crackdown

September 5, 2001 | Issue 37•31

Across the U.S., high schools are banning low-rise jeans, midriff-baring tops, and other skimpy articles of clothing. What do you think about the fashion crackdown?

Young Man

Paul Cooper,
Plumber
"What I don't get is the super-low jeans where the thong straps peek out above the waistline. Why aren't those required?"

Old Man

Nelson Wollersheim,
Bond Trader
"Girls that young should not be wearing sexy outfits in school. I say dress them all in plaid skirts and knee-high stockings."

Young Woman

Lisa Hausherr,
Social Worker
"I think girls who violate dress codes should be suspended and picked up from school by their mothers' boyfriends."

Asian Man

Tom Atack,
Tom Atack

"The way the kids dress these days, it's becoming almost impossible to tell the sluts from the regular girls."

Black Man

Michael Keller,
Systems Analyst
"Thank God for Maury Povich. He's doing his part by sending all those out-of-control, too-sexy teens to boot camp."

Old Woman

Meredith Wakefield,
Legal Secretary
"I don't know. I think some of those crotchless hot pants they sell in the JCPenney children's department are kind of cute."

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