The Onion

The Firestone Tire Recall

September 6, 2000 | Issue 36•31

Last month, Firestone announced a recall of 6.5 million tires following reports of 46 deaths related to blowouts of tires on Ford sport-utility vehicles. The death toll has since risen to 88. What do you think?

Black Man

Matthew Kramer,
Consultant
"You can bet that from now on, I'll only be buying Michelins–the only tire safe enough for a nude infant to ride around in without even any car."

Young Woman

Diane Tendero,
Nurse Practitioner
"SUV drivers are being killed. Killed, I tell you! Whoopee!"

Old Woman

Donna Petruso,
Caterer
"This is precisely why I will not permit vulcanization in my home."

Young Man

Ron Gullett,
Electrician
"I bet those Consumer Reports guys are really creaming their jeans over this one."

Asian Man

Marty Reese,
Carpenter
"This should be a boon to Fox's America's Deadliest Crashes. I'm sick of seeing that motorcycle run into the bus."

Old Man

Ed Westlake,
Systems Analyst
"I still say it's better to careen off a cliff in a Ford than drive a Chevy."

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