The Onion

India Closing In On China

August 30, 2000 | Issue 36•30

With a population of one billion and a birth rate nearly double that of China, India is on pace to become the world's most populous nation within the next few years. What do you think about this rapidly approaching demographic milestone?

Young Man

Richard Brunsell,
Postal Worker
"I see they're having about as much luck with the ejaculation-denying tantric sex as I am."

Black Man

Ray Muncie,
Schwinn President
"As president of Schwinn, I couldn't be happier."

Old Man

Bill Gehry,
Systems Analyst
"They seem to be a peaceful people, but we should probably send over a few guys in pith helmets and muttonchops just to keep an eye on things."

Young Woman

Tina Tisch,
Graduate Student
"Excuse me, but the proper term is 'Native Americans.'"

Asian Man

Omar Thakker,
Clerk
"The Indians could fast become the dominant superpower, what with the awesome might of the world's longest fingernails at their disposal."

Old Woman

Donna Majoro,
Physical Therapist
"At last, India will finally have enough people to watch all those movies they put out every year."

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