The Onion

High-School Drug Testing

August 23, 2000 | Issue 36•29

A Texas high school is under fire for a plan to subject students to random drug tests. What do you think of the idea of high-school drug tests?

Young Man

Greg Dunnert,
Delivery Driver
"American high schools are doing a fine job without subjecting its students to oppressive drug tests. What is this, the USFR?"

Old Woman

Rachel Kinnard,
Teacher
"We must have drug testing in schools, as our children are our greatest resource. Well, second greatest, after cobalt."

Black Man

Vance Walker,
Systems Analyst
"At least it's constitutional for Texas high-school students to pray that they pass their drug tests."

Old Man

Matthew Robles,
Banker
"Isn't there some sort of medication we can prescribe kids to make them stop doing drugs?"

Young Woman

Linda DeMuth,
Physical Therapist
"So many kids are dying from marijuana overdoses, we had to do something."

Asian Man

Chad Liman,
Student
"Man, if they do that, I'm gonna take so many drugs that their, like, drug machine will blow the fuck up."

Cut-and-paste

Include:

Preview

Copy and paste this code into a new post in Blogger, MySpace, or any other blog tool. It will display this Onion headline, picture, and teaser copy on your page, depending on what you select above.

It's up to you to write the rest of the blog post.

 

Text This Headline

 

Powered by TeleFlip use to email to any cell phone

  • Print
  • blog this
  • StumbleUpon
  • Reddit
  • digg this

Personal of the Day