The Onion

Human Rights And The U.S.

June 6, 2001 | Issue 37•21

Recently ousted from the U.N. Human Rights Commission, the U.S. is no longer the world's human-rights leader, according to Amnesty International. What do you think?

Old Man

Allen Andrews,
Systems Analyst
"Doesn't Amnesty International realize we have covert black-op specialists who shoot people for saying that kind of stuff?"

Asian Man

Ron Bass,
Cashier
"I guess our nation's leaders have given up trying to impress sexy, politically active college chicks."

Black Man

Duane McHenry,
Doctor
"I'd like to applaud the forward-thinking nations of Angola, Sudan, and Syria for helping vote the U.S. off the U.N. commission. Truly, your countries are examples to us all."

Old Woman

Paulette Wilson,
Librarian
"I support whatever Amnesty International has to say. I have to: They sent me those free return-address labels."

Young Man

Stan Tocchet,
Landscaper
"Fine, I'll let the guy out of my basement. Will that fix this up?"

Young Woman

Dana Milbank,
Real-Estate Agent
"America makes the best movies, the best TV shows, and the best snack foods. We can't do everything."

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