The Onion

The Dot-Com Fallout

July 19, 2000 | Issue 36•24

The darlings of Wall Street until March of this year, dot-com companies have fallen on hard times, with countless Internet businesses going belly-up or seeing their market value plummet. What do you think of the struggles of the New Economy?

Black Man

Larry Barnett,
Entrepreneur
"You mean I can no longer expect to enjoy a grossly overinflated market cap for my unprofitable, $200-million-in-debt Internet start-up? That's not fair!"

Young Woman

Lisa Spizer,
Day Trader
"Oh, no! I could cyberlose e-millions of virtual dollars and end up in thepoorhouse.com!"

Young Man

Bill Vander Heyden,
Roofer
"Dot-com is so 1999. I'm putting all my money into dot-org stocks."

Old Man

Ted Singerle,
Systems Analyst
"I met my wife on the Internet, and she's been going way down in value lately."

Old Woman

Irene Rudden,
Caterer
"So maybe enthusiasm for the commercial viability of the Internet is waning. But I defy you to find a better medium in which to have tea with Hello Kitty."

Asian Man

Ned Huang,
Dishwasher
"Looks like yet another megatrend has come and gone without affecting me in any way whatsoever."

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